I have been thinking for some time now of moving - we have lived here since 1976 and somehow got stuck here. Its not where I want to live my life anymore and feel like I need to see and do new things. The big issue for me was where...both girls are settled in their respective areas - and i planned to move down and live near but not too close to one of them - couldn't choose as i love them the same, but I love Melbourne much more than Sydney.
With the health issues which gave me a fright I came closer to a decision but just couldn't make it. Last Friday i went to the local hospital fro a Pre admission Clinic - as I have to have some surgery soon - (only day surgery), Turns out my ECG is abnormal and they won't do the surgery till I see a heart specialist - it is to do with the electricity in the two lower ventricles. For a long time I have had an unpleasant fluttery soreness in my chest and have told GPs about it but their comment were basically "Stress" or "anxiety" - this has been for quite some time now. I asked the anneathiatist (never can spell that bloody word) would what I was feeling relate to the abnormality in my ECG and he said yes - so after all this time and with what our family have been through with slack doctors - they do it again. My Mother dropped dead at 66 from a massive heart attack - the result of heart disease she has had since her early 50's - and I told the two GPs I went to the family history - just to be fobbed off and treated like some sort of hypochondriac - They are bloody hopeless.
At least I am onto it now - and have the appointment for next Monday - and if needing treatment will do it - you don't muck about with heart issues nor BP issues.
So made my decision and once I get the health issues sorted - I am moving down Saltwater Cove way on the western side of Port Phillip Bay - I feel now I can have some sort of direction - and something to work towards - as this place although beautiful costs too much for me to keep, and I just feel like a new start. Also the girls were concerned that something could happen here and no one would be close by - as it turns out I am following family history re heart issues but these days so much more can be done to control these things - better to know than not to know.
But as well when I think about it, Mum also had too much stress in the years before she developed hers. Our dad was killed by a drunk driver when she was 42 and had four of us still at home. The next years were awful for her as she had to keep going while grieving dreadfully - you see we were lucky in that Mum and dad really loved each other - so the death was harder. I don't think Mum ever really fully recovered. In what happened in the months before Don was killed and in the four year fight after, I think issues which may have not developed for another 10 years got a bit of a shove along...
I have decided that Don would not want me to keep fighting now - enough is enough and life is for the living. I have done what I could and who knows somewhere along the line the book may hit someone between the eyes and change may come - hopefully before many more die in the manner he did.
I feel so much at peace with my decision - and will continue on with TAFE so I can be "qualified" for something - need that slip of paper - but work towards tidying up the fences and paddocks, mending any glaring faults and them when ready put the house on the market. Sell it hopefully - put furniture in storage and find somewhere else in my own good time - something I wand and can afford with hopefully a bit left over to cover the move and those expenses.
Sometimes you need a big fat wakeup and mine is that its the people I love and who love me who are of paramount importance to me - everything else is just temporary.