Sunday, June 12, 2011

Decision made.
I have been thinking for some time now of moving - we have lived here since 1976 and somehow got stuck here. Its not where I want to live my life anymore and feel like I need to see and do new things. The big issue for me was where...both girls are settled in their respective areas - and i planned to move down and live near but not too close to one of them - couldn't choose as i love them the same, but I love Melbourne much more than Sydney.


With the health issues which gave me a fright I came closer to a decision but just couldn't make it. Last Friday i went to the local hospital fro a Pre admission Clinic - as I have to have some surgery soon - (only day surgery), Turns out my ECG is abnormal and they won't do the surgery till I see a heart specialist - it is to do with the electricity in the two lower ventricles. For a long time I have had an unpleasant fluttery soreness in my chest and have told GPs about it but their comment were basically "Stress" or "anxiety" - this has been for quite some time now. I asked the anneathiatist (never can spell that bloody word) would what I was feeling relate to the abnormality in my ECG and he said yes - so after all this time and with what our family have been through with slack doctors - they do it again. My Mother dropped dead at 66 from a massive heart attack - the result of heart disease she has had since her early 50's - and I told the two GPs I went to the family history - just to be fobbed off and treated like some sort of hypochondriac - They are bloody hopeless.


At least I am onto it now - and have the appointment for next Monday - and if needing treatment will do it  - you don't muck about with heart issues nor BP issues.


So made my decision and once I get the health issues sorted - I am moving down Saltwater Cove way on the western side of Port Phillip Bay - I feel now I can have some sort of direction - and something to work towards - as this place although beautiful costs too much for me to keep, and I just feel like a new start. Also the girls were concerned that something could happen here and no one would be close by - as it turns out I am following family history re heart issues but these days so much more can be done to control these things - better to know than not to know.


But as well when I think about it, Mum also had too much stress in the years before she developed hers.  Our dad was killed by a drunk driver when she was 42 and had four of us still at home. The next years were awful for her as she had to keep going while grieving dreadfully - you see we were lucky in that Mum and dad really loved each other - so the death was harder. I don't think Mum ever really fully recovered. In what happened in the months before Don was killed and in the four year fight after, I think issues which may have not developed for another 10 years got a bit of a shove along...


I have decided that Don would not want me to keep fighting now - enough is enough and life is for the living. I have done what I could and who knows somewhere along the line the book may hit someone between the eyes and change may come - hopefully before many more die in the manner he did.


I feel so much at peace with my decision - and will continue on with TAFE so I can be "qualified" for something - need that slip of paper - but work towards tidying up the fences and paddocks, mending any glaring faults and them when ready put the house on the market. Sell it hopefully - put furniture in storage and find somewhere else in my own good time - something I wand and can afford with hopefully a bit left over to cover the move and those expenses.


Sometimes you need a big fat wakeup and mine is that its the people I love and who love me who are of paramount importance to me - everything else is just temporary.

14 comments:

Anne said...

A hard decision to make to move on - but it really does sound like you have thought about it long and hard and you are ready for the move.

All the luck in the world with the appointment that it is not serious. Take care:-)

FoxyMoron said...

I think you're really getting all your ducks in a row Therese. Your plan sound great and just what is right for you.
I think you are right that the events of the past years since Don's death has probably exacerbated your health problems but it's good that you're being proactive and getting it sorted.
I am really excited for you, a new phase of your life after some really difficult times.

Andrew said...

In my best stalking manner, I found where Saltwater is. Near your daughter. I am not so familiar with the area, but I think you will like it. There are some really big natural parks around.

Mom said...

It is good when you finally do make a big decision. Good luck to you with the big move and with all the medical stuff.

Cazzie!!! said...

Therese, you know I have been a friend of yours for some years now and I know you won't mind me saying that I think you are awesome! And, that you sure do need to look after number one. Bugger those slack Doctors too! Time for a tune up, realignment and grease and oil change.... and I can't wait to come see you when you live closer too x0x0

Middle Child said...

Anne it is hard because as you know there will be a real wrench as my memories of my young life, the family and Don are all here -

Middle Child said...

Foxymoron - its a bit scary feeling the pain in your chest at 2am and now knowing its not imagination or heartburn - and I may live till 90 but also am aware more of my mortality - as said the people (living) are important and I want to see more of them. No one comes up here much its too out of the way

Middle Child said...

Andrew - a stalker after my own creepy heart! She lives at Point Cook so anywhere there okay - I can get into Melbourne by train in about 40mins I think and thats great fro someone who has fallen in love with Melbourne

Middle Child said...

Mom thanks for this - its a big step and one I need to take

Middle Child said...

Cazzie - thanks for that I think you are as well awesome - how you interact with your family and work etc and never sound tired - although you must be - It will be good to catch up - I have been on blogger since 2005 and met some amazing people here - for a while it became like a journal and it sure kept me sane when i was afraid to sleep for nightmares -

Random Thinker said...

Hope all goes well with the medical stuff. Then you can concentrate on the big move. It'll be nice to be near one of your girls. Although I imagine it will be hard to leave a place with so many memories. Good thing you're so strong.

JahTeh said...

Therese, all the best bloggers live in Melbourne and I look forward to the first meet up.

Take care of yourself and there are good doctors out there but you're not getting mine.

Shrinky said...

I'll be thinking of you today, sending as many warm, positive vibes your way possible - good luck, hon. A fresh start, closer to your loved ones - it makes perfect sense. Yes, life is for the living, and we need to grab it with both hands. I am sure Don would want that for you, it's time. ((x))

Cazzie!!! said...

We will live 15 mins apart, and that will be awesome!