Saturday, July 25, 2009

Update on the book
Andrew asked for an update on the book... In order to get it published the printers won't touch it unless I have (at my expense) a specialist defamation barrister (not solicitor) go right through it, which I have been advised will take him a full five working days - and give it the all clear re defamation issues - or mark the manuscript and advise me where I need to make changes.

I had two choices - throw it in the garbage bin or do what they asked. It doesn't seem to matter that I have written proof for everything ...apparently I have been told Doctors are more likely to sue to protect their reputations than any other profession.

Not to worry - I won't be going to Rio in the next decade, so decided I have to do this. Mostly he will strike out my "opinions" on why they acted a certain way...which may actually work to make it stronger as rather than telling people why I think things were done, it will be left up to readers to draw their own conclusions.

I had to get my head around this hurdle and try and get the most positive thing i could out of it.

So now they have my money "in trust" which means their bank account, the work will proceed. Part of me is hoping that the barrister may have a sense of social justice as no one could read the manuscript an come away untouched... may get a price reduction but am not banking on it.

So much went into getting this far. It has been the hardest thing I have ever or I hope will ever have to do, and then to get it to the printers to be told this...but as far as I am concerned it is the last major hurdle and when I get oer this one, I should be able to go ahead.

Friday, July 24, 2009


Found these on Don's computer as well and have no idea where they come from...
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A Satin Bower Bird's bower

Not much to say or going on so had a hunt through Don's old computer... mine is in the shop getting fixed. About a year before Don died, he discovered this perfect Satin Bower Bird;'s nest in a corner way up the back yard hidden amongst a tangle of saplings and undergrowth. I was never much good at finding things like this, but Don would watch and see where the birds went, and could always spot nests high in trees that I could never make out...and then this.

It was a well established bower where Mr Satin Bower Bird entertained his large harem of ladies...

Then the camera was swung about and there Don was, unable to get any closer, but I remember his being bemused that I didn't see all this till I was right on top of it. It took some manouvering to get him out of the scramble of bushes he had driven himself into, but he was so kid eager about seeing the bower that he didn't think about issues like that...

I know of few people who lived life with such joy and curiousity as he did.

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Thursday, July 23, 2009

Got the Blues I think.
I almost never get the blues... all though the years when there were some pretty big hits, all through the miserable suffering Don was put through and then his death... grieving for him over the past two years...I never actually got down. There were many tears and railing against the system which killed him, railing against the system which denied he, the girls and I any justice...and when I went through the emotions I always came back stronger. Each day for me, since I can remember has been like the first day. I love mornings and I mean early mornings. I am very annoying first thing in the morning, because I just hop out of bed before sparrow fart and my mind is clear and working better than it does for the rest of the day.

But the past few days, and I know what bought it on, its like a real pall has been over me. I was handling things well I thought, even though there have been serious issues with some family members, thankfully not my children -
Thank God for my kids.

What I fail even at my age to understand about human nature is that some people can say the words of family and concern and mean not one bit of it, nor have true compassion and empathy. Its like they can say all the words but thats all they are. There are no actions which back the verbal diarrhoea.

Don and I stood together against some pretty big things and sometimes it was frightening but together we seemed to always get it right. In a way I felt really strong with him there. He was such a man - taking responsibility, being honest, and maybe because of his own suffering actually feeling and showing true compassion for anyone he thought was a bit down.

Its just all knocked the wind out of my sails for the time, and unsure how to feel normal again - whatever that is, who to believe, who to trust.

Some injustices - needs must - have to be left till the great hereafter. One thing I have learnt after living with Don in the manner we did, never knowing would he wake up in the morning, was to make peace with each other at the end of the day; to lie in bed together and talk for hours at times, reflect on the day, tell funny stories, be silly...

bugger it...a better day tomorrow I hope.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Mrs and Mr Gnome

I gave in and finally bought myself two cement gnomes I had been eying off for some weeks. Every time I went back to the little nursery over near Wauchope (NSW) they were still there. I can't believe no one liked them as much as i do. So I figured they were meant for me.

I was quite taken by the expressions on their faces especially the lady gnome.

She looks how i feel when I have done something a bit bad and am enjoying the memory of it, or am anticipating a bit of mischief. And he just looks very happy and sort of satisfied. Don could always pick when i was up to no good or had an idea which might upset some local bureaucratic clown...I'd be smiling for hours and then start to chuckle to myself. He would be in like Flynn on any idea like this and sometimes we'd nearly choke laughing planning this or that venture.

Its funny to see something made like this which fits exactly how it was.

This pair are more than welcome at my back door
and needed.

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Friday, July 10, 2009

The good news is...our youngest has just become engaged. Not posting anymore about this here as they have to tell other people first. I am happy for them as they are so good together.
Some old photos from Mum's collection.

I have no idea who these people are...this photo was taken in the late 1920's by my maternal grandfather. he took heaps of photos. The depression was setting in and as far as i know this man worked for or lived very close to my grandfather and my mother who was just a baby then. Mum did tell me once who they were. Grandfather and his brother broke horses for a living. They just seemed to "know" horses...something that skipped me. When I think of poverty, for my grandfather and for most the wolf was not too far from the door, and I rather think for this family it might have been even closer...but these kids would have all been well fed, as meat and fresh vegetables were plentiful in the country...these kids would have received a better education by late primary school than what many have by mid high school these days. This may have come by way of a kind teacher or by many cuts of the cane...but the bulk of them would have been able to spell and punctuate, to add figures in their heads that few of us can do these doubt the bulk of them would have been healthy active kids, and barring some childhood diseases few of them would have developed asthma, multiple chemical sensitivity, cancers, and the other many auto immune diseases which seem to be becoming too prevalent amongst our children as a result of chemical overload...

If they had a radio at all it would have been powered by a large car battery which was re charged once a week at a garage as they had no power...I lived in a house for some months with elderly relatives who did this and this was in the 1950's. Most of these kids would have gone on to have four or five kids and have many descendants today. One may have been killed or injured in WW1.

Life would have been hard for this family, but I am not struck by sullen looks at all. What i see is a tight family, and one where the father is quite unconcernedly holding the toddler. Most have hats on to protect against the fierce sun...and like it was for most kids even till the late 60's in the country side...few kids had shoes unless for school or church and they were saved for those occasions.

There would have been few comforts physically, but i feel that there was much comfort in having the love of the family all about. Maybe thats whats missing with too many of us these days.

I am not romanticising as i know how hard it was for my dad who's family were the poorest of the poor in the was scary hard for years...but dad's brother and two sisters lived till their 90's with full faculties. Dad was killed accidentally and a younger brother died at 9...apart from the hardship they were all healthy as adults and the only time i recall dad going to hospital was when he fell out of a tree and broke his back, but thankfully not his spine, as with Don.

Fewer clothes meant only washing once a week and Monday was set aside for this. Food was simpler...and no doubt this lot had many pots of stew, lots of cabbage, spuds, pumpkin, sweet potato and peas/beans. Bread lasted one day only before it became stale as there were no preservatives and sugar added to it. Most farmhouses had a small fruit orchard so in season and in season only there might be mandarins, oranges, plums all grown organically although no one used that term at all. Clothes were either home made, handed down, or bought locally from locally produced wool and cotton. No formaldehyde was added to the material to make it feel better...this was a time before insecticides and fertilisers were mass produced by Monsanto and others and forced upon the farmers, so they could sell their crops, meat and milk...

My grandfather was called 'doc" locally as when someone broke a bong he had a reputation for being able to set it straight, and it was only when he broke his own leg at 65 from a fall from a horse that a doctor set his leg...and it was crooked after that.
(Grandfather Tom McGoldrick)

There was intolerance and ignorance and cruelty just as there is today, but these days we mask this with a new type of language which has been enforced upon us by the bureaucrats and seeks to confuse the real meaning of things we say and do.

Somehow we have thrown the baby out with the bathwater. There were many things that needed to be improved, because life was just too hard for too many, but I somehow think that if I took a family of seven kids and two parents today and compared the facial expressions alongside these kids...I don't think that they would look or consider themselves happier or more loved than this lot.

Just a thought train.

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Thursday, July 09, 2009

An update on the two cats I seem to have come by.

The top one is little Cuss Cuss and she is a quiet sweet little cat, and nary a hunting bone in her body. Both cats were dumped by their people. Cuss was dumped six years ago, into he bush with a full litter of kittens to feed. I hope her people rot in hell for that. luckily she and the kittens were rescued and all found homes. Cuss spent five years living in a unit with an elderly lady who had to give her up after she developed dementia and had to go into a nursing home. hence Cuss is quite comfortable sitting in the sun watching birds and thats all... not so Tiger below

Tiger by name and nature. Tiger was also dumped and Melissa rescued her. I took her to the vet and she had to be fully vaccinated, de sexed etc etc $$$$. But before de sexing they found out she had lung there was two weeks of medication which she HATED because the vet said it tasted like cattle that two weeks of course she came on heat inside the house. The stench in the back verandah room was unbelievable even tho I mopped daily
and sprayed with cat odour she is lung worm free and de sexed she spends her active hours hunting poor little Cuss about the place and trying to I have bought myself a super shooter water pistol and every time I see her beginning to stalk Cuss who is exhausted from all the chasing...Tiger gets a water shot. She is young enough to change. I have had to put 3 bells around her neck to give the wildlife a chance as she is a predator big time, and when not killing things she kills curtains, rugs etc...but then in the evening she gets into her little basket and is so lovable...

So now its cats...and one day I would love to find a Kelpie similar to Thorn, but not yet...these two keep me too poor to even consider it. But it is nice to have life in the house Don would be horrified to see two cats was bad enough. Not everyone loves cats...and he was one of those.

Its bloody freezing here. my nose is so cold today but there is nothing nicer in these cold months than sleeping in till all of 7.15am. I am usually up by 5.30 so this is a sleep in for me. Winter is definitely my cold as it is, I always feel sharper mentally and more creative.

Clearly a quiet day here and nothing much to post...

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Wednesday, July 08, 2009

It was a strange day today... I was about to post all of these, but then had an email from a solicitor re my book warning me how litigious Doctors are...I got really down about this as I know i am treading in thin ice re my book, and know that even though I am truthful the doctors involved have endless amounts if cash to fight me....I was feeling really down for the first time in this whole thing...

then a phone call from my youngest Alison with some really good news...can tell here have to wait till she tells her sister first...but I just burst out crying....along with the bad stuff good stuff happens

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Tuesday, July 07, 2009

This first photo is of my mother as a toddler, being held by her mother who died a year after this photo was taken, and next to her dad, who raised her alone after this. They stand on the front steps of their little house at Upper Rouchel, in the Upper hunter area of NSW. It is 1930. The photo directly below this shows the much grander entrance to their old house, which still stands. I would have liked to have gone inside and asked to take a photo of the actual house, but decided not to do so. Its nice just to know its all still there.

This photo is taken in about 1886 I was told. It is of family members and friends on my dad's side and this house was about three miles away from that of mum's people. One family Irish Catholic and the other Irish protestant.

Its interesting to click on the old photos there is so much detail...this was taken after a cricket match . The house below is called the same name as the original one "Bingeberry" but unsure if its the same actual house. I have been told its in the same place but can't see a mountain range behind the first one...which could be explained by the angel of the photo or perhaps they located the house a few yards away from the old one...who can know...but its the same property.

The family that lived in this old house had ten children (who says catholics breed like rabbits) and they all went to school and learnt to read and write as
did many Irish immigrants - which really irked the authorities...

None of mine were monied, nor had any claims to fame other than being hardworking people, who having been driven out by starvation were seeking a new start...nothing is between us really but the years between.
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Sunday, July 05, 2009

A wonderful visit with our daughters....
Melissa and Alison came up to Port Macquarie for their dad's birthday...we had the best of times ever...the magic is still there...something we were all worried about...we had not made a home" video" since the Christmas before Don was killed....and like me they worried that maybe we couldn't do this any more...maybe the magic was gone...but we made the best home video...a send up of those who need to be sent up...may they remain nameless...and it was so good, so funny we hurt our throats laughing...Don would have been so pleased because there is nothing he liked more than an good shit stir....apart from that they were just lovely to have home...

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Friday, July 03, 2009

The National Adjective

was written by John Clements and was a favourite of Don's many years back...I finally found it on CD and Alison helped me get it up here. What tickled my fancy was that she a whole generation younger than me, was highly amused by this and knew all the connotations of the word "bastard" as is used in Australia.

This is essential knowledge for any foreigners wishing to visit our fair Sling, Sara and others have been quite taken by our beaches...although today as the chilly wind blew off the snowy mountain tops and the waves carved away even more sand off the beaches even they might admit it has been a bastard of a cold day...enjoy and become culturally enhanced.