Saturday, March 28, 2009
a bit of silliness with a message ...couldn't get the you tube icon to come up...the second link is the clearest
Bob Geldof - The Great Song of Indifference
Original video by Bob Geldof. Higher quality video available from universalmusicgroup's channel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdUjGx-PVJY&feature=
Friday, March 27, 2009
Be aware this is Billy's diatribe about Chain email letters so if language offends...its up to you. Foxymoron posted about chain emails and was reminded of this little piece. This is for you Foxy.
"Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.
How stupid are we?
Ooooh, looky here!
If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!
What a bunch of bullshit.Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and kill me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.
Fuck 'em!!If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing.I've seen all the 'send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being' forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.The point being?If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on.
Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.
Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.
Have a nice day.
PS Send me 15 bucks and then fuck off. "
Thursday, March 26, 2009
For your information, be wary of drug reps bearing freebies… I sent this to all the papers I could because with what I know about how it all works, I got caught at a time of not being well and just followed doc’s orders… will be more wide eyed and bushy tailed in future
Doctors must be aware of the dangers of dispensing “Doctor’s sample” packets of medication to patients; of their responsibility to fully inform the patient of the risks of side effects; check the patient’s history and check present state of health before handing them out. People appreciate receiving samples but one I was given came in a packet without any product sheet information such as contraindications and possible serious and not so serious side effects.
Yesterday I went to the GP, for various things, one being a long standing lung infection which I couldn’t get over, and another being for a swelling in my arm after a bad fall. I was handed a sample of an anti inflammatory called Mobic. Normally I would query the medication and never take anything I hadn’t checked out myself, but as I felt worn out
from the lung infection I wasn’t aware as usual.
I took one in the afternoon and another in the early morning. My daughter asked me had I checked what it was and what it might do. I told her I had shown the packet to the Chemist, but had only asked her about how it worked to reduce inflammation.
I was horrified when I found out the possible side effects, one of which was a danger for me. After my husband’s death, I developed a high blood pressure, which was recorded in the notes the GP have had in front of her. I now have my BP under reasonable control but it can still be an issue depending on stress levels. High Blood Pressure was one of the most important contraindications.
The GP did not check my BP before giving this to me. As she had not checked my notes she had no idea if I had any of the other serious contraindications, only some of which are listed from “Drug Information Online.”
There I found out that NSAID (Mobic) can increase your risk of serious effects on the stomach or intestines, including bleeding or perforation (forming of a hole). These conditions can be fatal and gastrointestinal effects can occur without warning at any time while you are taking an NSAID. Older adults may have an even greater risk of these serious gastrointestinal side effects. Do not use Mobic if you are allergic to meloxicam, or to asprin or other NSAIDs. The doctor should know id you are allergic to any drugs or if you have a history of heart attack, stroke, or blood clot; disease, congestive heart failure; High Blood pressure a history of stomach ulcers or bleeding, bowel problems, diverticulosis; liver or kidney disease; asthma; polyps in your nose; or if you smoke.
Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat. Stop taking Mobic and seek medical attention or call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects: chest pain, weakness, shortness of breath, slurred speech, problems with vision or balance; black, bloody, or tarry stools, coughing up blood or vomit that looks like coffee grounds; urinating less than usual or not at all; nausea, stomach pain, low fever, loss of appetite, dark urine, clay-colored stools, jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes); fever, sore throat, and headache with a severe blistering, peeling, and red skin rash; or bruising, severe tingling, numbness, pain, muscle weakness.
And there is a swag of less serious possible side effects such as upset stomach, mild heartburn or stomach pain, diarrhea, constipation; bloating, gas; dizziness, headache, nervousness, mood changes; skin itching or rash; dry mouth; increased sweating, runny nose; blurred vision; or ringing in your ears. And even this list is incomplete.
For a swelling in my arm which I only presented with as I thought there may have been bone damage, it seems that the cure could be much worse than the disease.
I will just put up with the swelling, take more anti inflammatory Cod liver Oil, and be much more vigilant in future. With such serious side effects possible it is the duty of the GP to fully explain. I would think it would be a legal requirement to provide a product sheet for any free samples provided by the very friendly Drug Rep. If not then it should be in the interests of safety.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Adhd, Manic depression and other disorders.
My mother was diagnosed as a manic depressive after our dad was killed in 1969 and she was fed drugs (sleeping and anxiety) to keep her on the path with us kids...when she tried to get back to normal - getting rid of the prescribed stuff she became alternatively manic and depressed with wonderful periods in between.. So she took Lithium which got her there... Just before she died at 66, I arranged for her to be tested for nutritional deficiencies and she showed up almost no Zinc much. I would guess Mum had a reasonably severe dose of Pyroluria which is expalined below. Treatment with Practitioner orescribed B6 and Zinc may have alleviated her symotoms a bit or may have even helped her more. Sadly she died only a month or so after we found this out...it may have eased things for her.
This condition seems to strike those of celtic background more but we are all so mixed up these days racially who knows - (for instance Barack Obama has a fair slog of irish ancestry, although he is called an African American)- and it is an inabliity of the body to porcess and use Zinc and B6 which shows up the most.
Many of us at some time may have had a mild dose of this and there are levels starting from what could be considered normal graduating to moderate with all levels up to severe and then very severe. if treated in children and young people it can mean a life without Psychiatric drugs.
Please read this but I am warning any one not to ever stop taking what they are taking as cold turkey can be dangerous. If you think you may be one of those that this applies to, have a look at the links - there are Australian, Duthc, UK and US testing centres. The trick is finding a doctor with the brains and common sense to research this. There are those doctors out there. They are hard to get in to see because they are so valued by their patients, but they exist. At the bottom of this i can supply a link to the Australasian College of Nutritional and Environmental medicine qhich has on their web "Referrals" which shows the location of GP's who are able to think outside of the square. if you think you would like to have the test done, take a print out of this along with all the links printed and these sorts of doctors will oblige without telling you you are a fruit loop. The drug comanies do not want people to know that there are alternatives to the current treatments from which they claw in billions and which cure no one at all they just hold you, with consequences.
I wish I had known about this when mum was alive and suffering. She was a lovely and funny mum and had more compassion in her little finger than many have in their whole body.
I am not giving advice here, but those of you who are interested for whatever reason, this could be important.
Pyroluria is a genetically determined chemical imbalance involving an abnormality in hemoglobin synthesis. Hemoglobin is the protein that holds iron in the red blood cell. Individuals with this disorder produce too much of a byproduct of hemoglobin synthesis called "kryptopyrrole" (KP) or "hemepyrrole." Kryptopyrrole has no known function in the body, and is excreted in urine.
Kryptopyrrole has binds to pyridoxine (vitamin B6) and zinc and makes them unavailable for their important roles of co-factors in enzymes and metabolism. These essential nutrients when bound to kryptopyrrole are removed from the bloodstream and excreted into the urine as pyrroles. Arachidonic acid (an omega-6 fatty acid) is also deficient.
The effect of pyroluria can have a mild, moderate, or severe depending on the severity of the imbalance. Most individuals show symptoms of zinc and/or B6 deficiencies, which include poor stress control, nervousness, anxiety, mood swings, severe inner tension, episodic anger (an explosive temper), poor short-term memory and depression. Most pyrolurics exhibit at least two of these problems. These individuals cannot efficiently create serotonin (a neurotransmitter that reduces anxiety and depression) since vitamin B6 is an important factor in the last step of its synthesis. Many of these persons appear to benefit from SSRI medications such as Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, etc. However, as with all mind-altering drugs, side effects occur and the true cause of the mental difficulties remains uncorrected. In addition these individuals often have frequent infections and are often identified by their inability to tan, poor dream recall, abnormal fat distribution, and sensitivity to light and sound. As you can imagine an SSRI will not correct these metabolic effects. More healthful benefits may be achieved by giving the appropriate supporting nutrients.
Pyroluria is detected by chemical analysis of the abnormal pyroles in urine detectable as a purple (on testing paper) metabolite in called "the mauve factor." Most persons have less than 10mcg of KP per deciliter. Persons with 10-20 mcg/dl are considered "borderline" pyroluric and may benefit from treatment. Persons with levels above 20 mcg/dl are considered to have pyroluria, especially if the above symptoms are present. The chemical analysis for KP is difficult due to the tendency for this chemical to decompose. Sometimes it is necessary to repeat the urine test to properly determine the level of KP being excreted. To make the initial diagnosis, no vitamins or minerals should be taken for two days before the urine is collected (This is to avoid false negative results). The specimen should be handled properly as well - collected and frozen immediately and protected from any light by being placed in aluminum foil. A repeat test to determine if the condition has been improved may be helpful.
People with mild-moderate pyroluria usually have a fairly rapid response to treatment if no other chemical imbalances are present. People with severe pyroluria usually require several weeks before progress is seen and improvement may be gradual over 3 - 12 months. Features of pyroluria usually recur within 2 - 4 weeks if the nutritional program is stopped.
Pyroluria is managed in part by restoring vitamin B6 and zinc. The type of replacement therapy is very important as zinc must be provided in an efficiently absorbed form. Vitamin B6 is also available in several forms. Both zinc and B6 supplementation need to be directed by the doctor as too much can be toxic, use of the wrong form will be ineffective, and avoiding competing minerals and supplements may be necessary. Other nutrients may assist in pyroluria include niacinamide, pantothenic acid, manganese, vitamins C and E, omega-6 fatty acids and cysteine. Food sources and nutritional supplements containing copper and red/yellow food dyes should be avoided.
Because pyrolurics are stress intolerant, they seem to be especially vulnerable to cumulative stress over many days. For example, parents of a pyroluric child should use discipline that is "short and sweet" rather than "long and lingering." It is not unexpected that pyroluric patients are prone to relapses, especially during illness, injury, or emotional stress.
Pyroluria (originally known as malvaria) is a genetic abnormality in hemoglobin synthesis resulting in a deficiency of zinc and vitamin B6. People with pyroluria produce excess amounts of a byproduct from hemoglobin synthesis, called OHHPL (hydroxyhemoppyrrolin-2-one). In these people an excess amount of pyrrole is found in the urine. Associated changes in fatty acid metabolism lead to low levels of arachidonic acid (an omega-6 fatty acid). The presence of pyroluria can have a profound effect on mental and physical health and was first discovered in relation to schizophrenia.
Pyroluria incidence in different subgroups.
Common emotional and physical characteristics of pyroluria.
Little or no dream recall
White spots on finger nails
Poor morning appetite and/or tendency to skip breakfast
Pale skin, poor tanning or burn easy in sun
Sensitivity to bright light
Hypersensitive to loud noises
Reading difficulties (e.g. dyslexia)
Mood swings or temper outbursts
Much higher capability & alertness in the evening, compared to mornings
Preference for spicy or heavily flavored foods
Abnormal body fat distribution
Significant growth after the age of 16
Pyroluria: Hidden Cause of Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Depression, and Anxiety Symptoms by Woody McGinnis, M.D.
Commentary on Nutritional Treatment of Mental Disorders: Pyrrole Disorder by Willam Walsh, Ph.D.
Pyroluria by Carl C. Pfeiffer, Ph.D., M.D.
Pyroluria by Jeremy E. Kaslow, M.D., F.A.C.P., F.A.C.A.A.I.
The Analyst: Pyroluria
Laboratories which test for pyroluria:
Bio-Center Laboratory (Wichita, KS, USA)
Biolab Medical Unit (London, UK)
Great Plains Laboratory (Lenexa, KS, USA)
Klinisch Ecologisch Allergie Centrum (Weert, Netherlands)
S.A.F.E. Analytical Laboratories (Gold Coast, Australia)
Vitamin Diagnostics (New Jersey, USA)
Related research in chronological order:
The Relationship Between an Unknown Factor (US) in the Urine of Subjects and HOD Test Results. J Neuropsychiatry 2:363-368, 1961. (by Abram Hoffer MD, PhD & Humphry Osmond, M.D.)
The Presence of Unidentified Substances in the Urine of Psychiatric Patients 2:331-362, 1961 (by Abram Hoffer M.D, PhD, et al)
The Presence of Malvaria in Some Mentally Retarded Children. Amer J Ment Def 67:730-732, 1963. (by Abram Hoffer M.D, PhD, et al)
Malvaria: A New Psychiatric Disease. Acta Psychiat Scand 39:335-366, 1963. (by Abram Hoffer MD, PhD & Humphry Osmond, M.D.)
Malvaria and the Law. Psychoso-matics, 7:303-310, 1966. (by Abram Hoffer M.D, PhD, et al)
Mauve spot and schizophrenia. American Journal of Psychiatry 125(6):849-851, 1968.
Biochemical relationship between kryptopyrrole (mauve factor and trans-3-methyl-2-hexenoic acid schizophrenia odor). Res Commun Chem Pathol Pharmacol 1973 (by Carl Pfeiffer MD, PhD, et al.)
Studies on the occurrence of the mauve factor in schizophrenia [article in Polish]. Psychiat. Pol., 7(2):153-9, 1973.
Treatment of pyroluric schizophrenia (malvaria) with large doses of pyridoxine and a dietary supplement of zinc. J. Orthomolecular Psychiatry3(4):292 1974 (by Carl Pfeiffer PhD, MD & Arthur Sohler PhD)
A rapid screening test for pyroluria; useful in distinguishing a schizophrenic subpopulation. J. Orthomolecular Psychiatry 1974 3(4):273 (by Arthur Sohler PhD)
Neurological and behavioral toxicity of kryptopyrrole in the rat., Pharmacol Biochem Behav 3(2):243-50 1975
Zinc and Manganese in the Schizophrenias. J. Orthomolecular Psychiatry 12(3):215 1983 (by Carl Pfeiffer PhD, MD and Scott LaMola, BS)
A new prostaglandin disturbance syndrome in schizophrenia: delta-6-pyroluria., Med Hypotheses 19(4):333-8 1986
Pyroluria – Zinc and B6 deficiencies. Int Clin Nutr Rev 1988 (by Carl Pfeiffer MD, PhD, et al.)
The Discovery of Kryptopyrrole and its Importance in Diagnosis of Biochemical Imbalances in Schizophrenia and in Criminal Behavior J. Orthomolecular Medicine 10(1):3 1995 (by Abram Hoffer M.D, PhD)
Fatty Acid Profiles of Schizophrenic Phenotypes, 91st AOCS Annual Meeting and Expo San Diego, California 2000 (by William Walsh PhD of the Pfeiffer Treatment Center)
Urinary Pyrrole (Mauve Factor): Metric for Oxidative Stress in Behavioral Disorders, presented to the Linus Pauling Institute, 2003 (by Woody R. McGinnis MD)
Blake Graham, BSc (Honours), AACNEMClinical NutritionistPerth, Western Australia Phone/Email: See Contact page*Non-Perth residents may enquire about phone consultatio
ACNEM provides a service to put members of the public in touch with medical doctors, dentists and other practitioners in Australia and New Zealand who have graduated from the ACNEM Primary Course. Many of these have also completed the ACNEM Fellowship Program. There are also some medical doctors and dentists on the referral list in other countries - currently Malaysia, Hong Kong and South Africa.
Australian Capital Territory »
New South Wales »
Northern Territory »
South Australia »
Western Australia »
New Zealand »
(Other overseas coming soon
Sunday, March 22, 2009
In the great yawning vault carved below Parliament, no one can hear you scream
Tony Wright Melbourne Age
March 21, 2009
CANBERRA's Parliament House is a palace of Byzantine secrets, but there is none more mysterious — or bigger — than the lost place dubbed The Cathedral. Few enough of the restless 4000 or so people who inhabit Parliament know of the existence of The Cathedral, though plenty of them scurry above its echoing depths every day.
It is a great yawning vault hacked deep into the rock of the hill upon which Parliament House sits, big as … well … a cathedral. Its concrete ceiling, which nestles beneath Parliament's lawns at its south-eastern edge, is supported by columns three storeys high.
The immense void is cool and silent, almost always perfectly dark, and its floor is nothing but exposed earth. There is even an earthen platform one might call an altar, the strata of the ages that have shaped the hill clearly visible in the shadows thrown by klieg lights on tripods, for no one has bothered to install permanent conventional lighting.
Those who know of this remote bunker gain access through a series of locked doors in Parliament's science-fiction basement, where electric carts cruise almost silently along tunnels so confusing and featureless that they have been given street names. You must call security to tell that you are down there, for if you were to accidentally lock yourself in The Cathedral, no one would hear your screams.
Those of a classical bent and a little imagination might be put in mind of Istanbul's Basilica Cistern, a magnificent underground chamber of Ionic and Corinthian (and a few plain Doric) columns that once held the water supply for Constantinople's Grand Palace.
So well hidden is the "basilica" that when the Byzantine capital fell to the Ottoman Empire in 1453, the Cistern kept its secret from all but a few of the conquered inhabitants. It remained so for a century until a visiting archaeologist, intrigued by stories that local people dropped buckets into holes in their cellar floors and pulled up water with fish, decided to investigate.
The authorities at Parliament House have never agreed on a practical use for their own sunken palace, though a tunnel large enough for a small truck has been driven through the hill in case the cavern is needed eventually for storage or some such.
Might we venture a suggestion?
Why not put the nation's legislators down there in the darkness for a few days before each sitting period and allow them to settle their differences before hauling them back to the House of Representatives and Senate, where they could simply vote on the bills that cause them such agitation?
It is a particularly captivating notion after this long week of excruciating indecision, off-stage dealing, hand-wringing, point-scoring, caterwauling and obfuscation in the Senate.
It had been known all year that Parliament was to finish sitting on Thursday evening before adjourning for a seven-week autumn break. But senators (exhausted after talking themselves to a stop at 3am yesterday) and members of the House of Reps were back yesterday, at a cost widely estimated at $1 million, trying desperately to deal with a legislative program that had spilled clean over the edges of their ability to deal with it.
We might sympathise if the nation's elected representatives had actually spent their time dealing with the substance of the legislative program. But what are we to make of senators, for instance, spending 71 minutes at the start of Wednesday's sitting arguing about wasting time?
With senators accusing each other of filibustering and time-wasting, they managed to avoid altogether voting or dealing with the Australian Business Investment Partnership Bill 2009, which is supposed to give the nod to the so-called Ruddbank, designed to provide investment money for commercial developments.
After all the confected concern from all sides about frittering away their time, it was sent off to the never-never.
It was left to South Australian independent Nick Xenophon to reach into the Senate bible, Odgers Australian Senate Practice, which actually has a section about the end-of-season rush of legislation.
"The causes of this phenomenon are not clear," Odgers hedges before going on to make sure the reader knows exactly why the rush is always on.
"A view frequently expressed was that ministers or departments deliberately delayed the introduction of legislation until late in a period of sittings in the hope that it would be passed without proper scrutiny.
"This suspicion was reinforced by ministers regularly claiming that all government bills accumulated at the end of sittings were urgent. There were often grounds for scepticism about these claims, particularly the failure to proclaim legislation stated to be urgent at the time of its passage."
Quite. Could any mildly rational observer have failed to note that the single most contentious piece of legislation to be debated this session — the Fair Work Bill, the one the Government promised voters from before the election 15 months ago — was the very last subject to be discussed to death? Amendment after amendment, and amendments to amendments, were wrestled over to the point of meaninglessness.
The week's classic moment came at the end of just such a string of amendments to amendments relating to a subject of no moment at all when the curious Family First senator Steve Fielding tried to add the words "and that the Senate notes that this is a waste of time". These wearisome days are exacerbated by the numbers in the Senate, which, combined with the Opposition's tendency to oppose just about everything, means the Greens with Xenophon and Fielding hold the balance of power.
It is, of course, democracy, but it means that any slightly contentious matter comes down to deal-cutting and, often as not, Fielding's mood. The potential for ego or lack of interest to get in the way of common sense amounts to the fact that a single vote can change everything. Thus the fuss when the Northern Territory Country Liberal Party senator Nigel Scullion missed the vote on the alcopops tax during the week.
On that few moment's tardiness hung $1.6 billion of taxes over four years. Only Labor's astonishingly generous nod to convention and fair play — which allowed another vote — saved the day for the naysayers.
In the face of all this week's nonsense, a spell for the pollies in The Cathedral, doors locked and with bread and water provided, seems hardly absurd at all. No one would hear their screams.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
"Subject: Aussie Schools Answering Machine
This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the message that the Maroochydore High School Queensland, staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.
The outgoing message: Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his homework - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7 To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day! If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it."
smile smile smile! Only in Queensland.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
This is sad…have a look at all these people…makes me grateful for what I have that’s for sure. http://media.heraldsun.com.au/multimedia/2009/02/bushfires/index.html?id=victims
Its a difficult photo arrangement to view as it keeps moving to left and right... as sad as i felt for those about my own age, it was the families with kids, the young faces, bright with life which took my breath for the moment. Being only human with all the limitations of my intelligence, personality and insight, I can never for a moment comprehend all of this...none of us can. To look at their eyes, their smiles I have to hope that where they all are now the smiles, and cheekiness...the fun and love still exists...I believe it does...thats how i get by in my own life...
After what happened with my sister's husband I have to stop myself from almost paranoia about the girls on the road... I don't tell then this of course...
our family has seen the police come to the door with bad news just too many times..but for these above...it was a nightmare, of chaos and fear...interspersed with amazing events of accidental courage...accidental heroes.
I wonder at myself...would I be brave if called upon without time to think. I hope so. I hope so. I know I could not leave another person in danger if i could help...and live with myself...but if in that moment of horror when to act would mean my own injury or death as with my sister's husband and many of the people involved in the bushfires in Victoria and other...I have to hope I would act with honour. I hope this never has to be tested really.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I was looking out the windows. A good pastime when you are crook and it hit me for the first time this year that the light was a little softer, a little gentler. It is a magic day here. Every leaf holds the sunlight but not in the withering way of summer...this is just beautiful. I am so grateful for Autumn every year, it is my favourite season always...but this year it seems more welcome. Sort of a soothing balm for the country and the people.
So today instead of seeing the bushes and trees loaded up with feral vines which defy all but the sharpest wood saws, and have thorns, there were the trees standing still and tall...instead of seeing the weeds which are out of control after the flood, then hot sun and my time away there were the plants and bushes, all colours of the rainbow in their flowers. Don's favourite plant was the Blue Ginger which is the last picture. We originally bought it together over at a Wauchope nursery in the late 1990's and it spread in our old house... then we bought some here. I planted it just outside the big sliding door of our bedroom so when Don was bed ridden as he was a fair bit in the last years, he could see this plant and watch the bees and birds come to it. Watch it blowing in the breezes and catch the light that it is catching today.
Sometimes it is just so beautiful it makes me want to cry. Not in a sad way...I guess its just an opening of the heart, as happens when we see things of true beauty. For me its like a chord has been sounded, and when the notes of that chord are in perfect harmony my heart wells, and too often I cry. While the world can be really hard to live in at times, and while we all go through too much sometimes, its days like this which let me know that there is more than what we can see and measure that makes this little planet turn around in this great and beautiful universe.
Tomorrow may be different... i may have a flat tyre on the way somewhere and grumble because I can't get the nuts off the wheel imagining the universe is once again conspiring against me...as if???
I may be becoming a hermit for now, but I think that what we do always seems to happen at the right time for what we need... I need to be here as I am. This place has magic. When i stand at the slip rails and watch the sun set, or just go up the long driveway... it feels right.
Don and I moved out here under no illusions in early 2004. We both knew that at best we would only have four or five years at the very outside. I know in hindsight that much of his efforts after 2004 were towards setting things up so it would all be complete, and that there'd be no more to do than keep it going which is no mean feat (thanks Don). We only had a couple of Christmases here but they were the best and the four of us were so in sync it was always great. There was one Christmas when for a while Don seemed unusually grumpy and "different". I was worried that maybe he'd had a mild stroke because his face looked different in the photos for a day or so and then it all lifted. As he did have another one about 18months later, which also passed I think that this was what this was all about, but the girls were upset not knowing why their Dad was so hard to be with. But once it was over he was himself.
I handed my manuscript over to a Journalist yesterday who offered to read through it with the hope to finding me a publisher...I have to hope... (just an aside)
My sister Joan and her daughter Alanah are in the early days re grieving for Bruce. I left their place at 4am on Thursday for home and left a note which said "You will never get over Bruce, nor forget him but the pain will ease very slowly as time passes, not quickly. But it will ease and one day you'll think you are okay and something will slam you back and the tears will flow, but these days will get less and you are not going mad." When Don was killed I was scared that I would forget his voice, his sayings and his ways... but its like they have melded into me and are part of me. I find myself using terms he used which I seldom used...things like that. I hope I can be helpful for Joan and Alanah, but will need to also protect myself a bit as I did not do so well at the funeral home...I just could not go in. She understood. She's one of the goodies in this world.
Now outside clouds have come over and rain may come but the stillness is absolute. not a bird call, not a car, just the fan (its still warm). When the big events in life happen as with Joanie's husband if you are still enough it brings you back to something sacred if that makes sense. Thats how I feel today. If I was well I'd be out there sweeping or weeding /whatever...I think I needed to stop and smell the roses.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Bought the flu with me...and feel exhausted and sick...but I have good recovery...
my sister paid tribute to her husband in this paper
You might like to read...
off to beddie byes for about a week
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
this is my younger sister's husband... I don't know when I will be back...she is devastated... at least he was killed instantly...poor bloody bastrd