Thursday, January 31, 2008

This made me cry happy tears.

Our youngest Alison is at Whistler (Canada) all the way from Melbourne. I know that most of you won't get to the end of this as all she does is slowly snowbaord, but what is so wonderful is that this brave kid spent most of her 20's chroniclly ill and much of the time only able to do what she had to do, in between needing to sleep many times a day.

Now look at her. Don would be smiling so broadly to see this. Its so wonderful to see Alison able to do this... Don wrote not too long before he died about Alison, all he wanted for her, was for her to be well again. Thats all. She still has a way to go but the path is clearer and we know what was wrong...she is responding...

I admit I had a good cry when I saw this... she looks like a big kid... and no doubt her mind would have been ticking over 100 mph. She hadn't seen snow till a few years many Aussies... and has her own delightful style (hahah)

Its these things which make me smile... a triumph. And as said her lovely dad would be beaming to see this... and thats another thing which makes me smile, because I know he knows...

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Unbelievable.... this guy became Australia's Prime Minister just before Christmas... you tell me what he's supposed to be doing if not eating ear wax...maybe snot would be better, but ear wax... now that would be an aquired taste.... not that I would know...ask Australia's new PM


I did it I hope... finally! Sara and now Sling and others have talked this techno moron through actually being able to post Videos...

So first ( of many folks sorry.... the novelty will wear off) is my favourite of all time...Melanie Safka...should not need the last name but hear there is another sprog lately come along called Melanie...not in the original's league...

Manys the Friday/Saturday night spent sitting on the lounge room floor with Don and I in me Hippy frocks, surrounded by aromatic smoke, the long hair blowing about (both of us) listening to Melanie.... (I made him... I had to listen to Led Zepplin and others... fair enough) ...18, 19 then we decided we would have a baby just to see what she would look like...always knew it'd be a girl...So stopped the dope before getting pregnant, didn't drink...but Melanie has done my life's journey with me...and my kids love Melanie. Alison can sing her songs even...

and she turned out to be as beautiful as our dreams....

Was good times, but still, because we made good memories the present has honour.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Creedence Clearwater Revival... AHHHH!
We lived in the best of times… for sure… just listen to John Fogerty’s voice…sorry haven’t worked out how to post You Tubes as a unit… just click on the, links… the first one is just wonderful… AHHHH takes me back to something so wonderful, to a time far away, to a sunshine that felt so golden.
Will post coverage tomorrow.

The Sydney Daily Telegraph is going to do an article of some of what we are trying to expose. They asked for photos etc so am hoping they do a good job. Its taken some doing to get this far and am hoping the exposure forces the authorities to do what the bloody hell we pay them for... their job.

Todays carried the article about Vanessa Anderson (see below) and included a few paragraphs at the bottom as a lead in to tomorrows article.

If you're having trouble viewing this article, click here to view it in your browser.

"The Daily Telegraph

Hospital hell killed our Vanessa
January 25, 2008
WARREN and Michelle Anderson always knew their daughter Vanessa should not have died.
Yesterday, as a coroner came to the same conclusion about the 16-year-old's "tragic and avoidable" death at Royal North Shore Hospital, the findings were welcomed with tears and a standing ovation in the courtroom.
In a scorching criticism of the health system, Deputy State Coroner Carl Milovanovich said: "If one had sat down and planned the worst possible case scenario for Vanessa . . . it could not have been done better."
Click here to read the full article on the website
Alternatively, you can copy and paste this link into your browser:,22049,23103832-5001021,00.html

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Not good news

I took Thorn to the vet yesterday... thinking that his main problem was the massive lump he has grown on his shoulder...

although this is now inhibiting his barking his lungs... etc and is a health issue, he seems to be handling this okay.

I had noticed that he was walking differently, as if his back legs were robotic... sort of uncoordinated... I had mentioned to the vet previously that he was holding his tail in a strange way (for him).

Turns out that there is a bloody growth which is interfering with his back legs neurologically. Something is growing against the spinal cord and has progressed noticeably since Christmas.

He is in no pain, but will become more uncertain as to where to put his legs, as the grown increases.

The vet said in time I will have to help him stand and he will begin to prefer to lie down as much as possible. He said it doesn't appear that there is pain involved. One day his back legs will be paralysed. He was not optimistic about the time frame.

Bloody hell... this time it was our old cat who was becoming ill, she ended up paralysed and had to let her go.

Thorn has taken to following me seems unhappy if I am not there, or if someone is not there. But other than that we have some really long sessions where he just lays his big old head on me and we just enjoy.

I was so dreadfully upset yesterday on top of other things... today I will begin to do what I must to make him feel secure and cared for.

I have grown to depend on him for company. He's easier than humans and makes much more sense. Its funny, when you lose someone, some part of you thinks that there is a tally being kept and a being says Okay, thats her fair share" but in life I have learnt it doesn't work like that.

Often when someone dies or is injured, you seem to be hit with a multiple of things, and some people seem to sail through life with almost nothing terrible till towards the end...whereas some families have awful things happen, and then more awful things happen...

We are somewhere in the middle of the two extremes... which is fair enough I suppose.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

My old Doggie Thorn is not well.

Some of you have read posts of mine in the past about the wonderful loyal and very handsome dog, Thorn. He's our youngest daughter's dog and has been since 1995. We've had him here since she had to move into a flat in Melbourne 3 years ago. He is so much a part of my life now.

Just before Christmas, I was out in the paddock with him throwing things for him to fetch and he was so happy, tail up, ears up and played till he flopped down exhausted...

Within a couple of days I noticed a change in him, he just seem to lose enthusiasm for everything... even his food, and kept looking at me long and sorrowful... I think he is in some pain which explains the long looks he's been giving me.

He's got a massive lump on his shoulder...was operated on in the past but returned. he nearly died the last surgery and to remove it you would have to take away the whole shoulder joint and muscle tissue...he wouldn't survive it.

He reacts really badly to anaesthetic, and takes ages to wake.
(when he was better)

The lump is not a tumor, but it has begun to restrict his breathing and his bark has gone from sounding like a doberman to only being half a bark and that not even loud. He coughs a lot but there doesn't seem to be fluid...its more like a restriction.

They grow old too quickly and I know by looking at him that I will be very fortunate to have him still with me by the end of the year.

We lost the old cat in February last year. It never rains but it pours. Don was not a cat lover but when old Archimedes died he was as upset as I was... they grow on you.

Anyway blood tests for Thorn tomorrow just to eliminate some things...hopefully. He seems to have a bowel problem also as well as the lungs. Its all happened too quickly.

This dog is really special. He treated Don so gently whereas with other men he would be really rough and rambunctious. I remember Don slipping Thorn a bit of food many times and instead of a doggie snap he would just lift it from the top f Don's hands. Don couldn't move his fingers so had to cup the bits inside the bent fingers...

in this photo Thorn is "hopeful" about the huge bunch of grapes... till he got one and realised he didn't like it. Don was not adverse to slipping him things he used to tewll me not to give him

But still will enjoy the old dog...he gets plenty of pats, and much company (me) and he looked after us all for so many years... my turn to return the favour.

If its just (just!) his lungs that can be managed...

Its funny but the lump he has started to grow about 6 months after he was chipped , when he was about 4 or 5. It is so close to where it is you have to wonder. Its too late now because the lump has grown into so much of the upper body... what is visible on the outside is only the part of it unfortunately. Now he's 13 he's best left in peace with what he has and knowing he's loved. I hope they do that for me when I am old and sore....

Saturday, January 19, 2008

A Brave New World


"Thanks for "Volunteering" Your Organs!Speaking of incredibly stupid things, the U.K.s Prime Minister Gordon Brown has announced a plan to steal organs from dead patients by acting on what he calls "implied consent to donate organs." This is not a joke, by the way: It's true! If Brown gets his way, patients who die in the U.K. will have their organs immediately harvested and sold to the high-profit organ donation industry, where every spare organ generates at least $250,000 in profits for the hospitals, surgeons and drug companies involved. Patient consent is no longer required -- it is implied by the State. I'm not kidding. It's being called "implied consent." Besides, what patient can possibly object? Dead people don't argue with you, right?Apparently, Brown has already volunteered to have one of his own organs donated away -- his brain! The organ was promised to U.S. President George W. Bush, who has yet to receive the brain implant due to the fact that the removal of his old brain could not be accomplished because surgeons couldn't find it! Instead, they've decided to dose him up on statin drugs and hope the dementia fades away...There's one thing that's always bothered me about organ harvesting, even from organ donor volunteers: Isn't it true that if the patient dies, their organs lose oxygen and start deteriorating within seconds? So isn't it in the interests of the high-profit organ harvesting and transplantation industry profiteers to get to work harvesting from patients before they're really dead? The brain stem is alive and active for several minutes after the heart stops beating -- the very same minutes in which their organs are savagely cut out of their bodies and put on ice! Think about that the next time you're pondering the organ donor checkbox on your driver's license.Gordon Brown's mandating the harvesting organs from everyone makes China's policy of only harvesting organs from criminals seem downright humane. If there's one thing you remember this week, remember this: Don't die in the UK! If you're about to croak, run, swim or crawl your way to some other country's jurisdiction so that you can die in peace instead of pieces."

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Spiders and Snalils and puppy dogs tails...
A friend sent me this...have no idea where it came from but makes you think what might be lurking as we type....

Hello, technical support, how can I help you' ?

LADY: 'Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noises at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on the computer started hissing and cracking,then started smoking and a bad smell, then nothing'.

SUPPORT: 'I will have a technician come over first thing this morning, just leave the computer just like it is, so they can find the problem and fix it, or change it with another computer. Give me your address; phone number and the technician will be there just as soon as they can'. When the technician got there, the lady showed the technician where the computer was, said what happened to it, this is what the technician found wrong.

Take a look at the pictures... you won't believe your eyes!!!!! And you thought you had computer problems !!!

The technician told her: 'It must have been after the mouse!'

The woman didn't think it was very funny at all.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Well Sling you asked for it as an honourary Australian...

"The Foreigner's Guide to Vegemite
The story of VegemiteVegemite is a registered trade mark, and due all of the protection that it receives under the law, but it is also part of Australian culture: it is celebrated here as part of that culture.
We Australians eat Vegemite in large lumps or small dollops, but mostly in large lumps. If you can see the thing the Vegemite has been spread on, then there isn't enough. Of course, if you have never eaten Vegemite before, you may need to consume it in slightly smaller amounts until you get used to it.
This account is in four parts:The history of Vegemite's inventionThe biochemistry of making VegemiteHow to make a Vegemite sandwichHow to make a Lamington

The history of VegemiteFirst, here is the official history of Vegemite, as supplied to me some years ago by the manufacturer, who states that Vegemite is as much part of Australia's heritage as kangaroos, Dame Nelly (sic) Melba and Holden cars, and adds that since the early 1920s, Vegemite has fought along the ANZACs in World War II (it's pugnacious stuff, apparently, but a bit slow, given that the ANZACs stopped fighting in 1918!), but then they get past the flack's flawed imagination to this account, edited only to remove bizarre punctuation and a plethora of apostrophes. The strained syntax is theirs, not mine!
Vegemite dates back to 1922 when the Fred Walker Company, which became Kraft Walker in 1926 and Kraft Foods Limited in 1951, hired a young chemist to develop a spread from one of the richest known natural sources of the vitamin B group -- brewer's yeast.
Following months of laboratory tests, Dr. Cyril P. Callister, who became the nation's leading technologist of the 1920s and 1930s, developed a tasty spreadable paste.
Dr. Callister had filled his part of the contract, but Fred Walker was still to name his spread. So Walker turned to the Australian public for help and conducted a national trade-name competition, offering a tempting 50 pound prize pool for the winner or winners.
How the fifty pounds was distributed is unknown, but in 1923 Fred Walker named and launched his product under the Vegemite brand. Even though Dr Callister's invention has proved to be a formula for success, success was not instantaneous. Fred Walker persevered for 14 years before his beloved product finally gained acceptance and recognition.
When Australians first heard about Vegemite, a thick, dark English spread dominated the spread market and Australians were reluctant to try Fred Walker's locally made product. Hence, poor sales performance resulted in Vegemite being re-named -- four years after its launch -- in 1928.
To compete with the opposition, Fred Walker re-launched Vegemite that year as "Parwill". "If Marmite . . . then Parwill" was the rationale behind Walker's strategy to carve a niche in the market for his concentrated yeast spread.
Walker's 'creative' play on words fell on deaf ears and "Parwill" failed. When Walker went back to the drawing board, he finally realised that the Vegemite brand would work. All he had to do was stimulate consumer trial.
He achieved the objective. In 1935 a vigorous 2-year coupon redemption scheme was launched whereby a jar of Vegemite was given away with every purchase of other products in the Fred Walker company range. Australians tried the product and loved it. Vegemite was well and truly on the road to success.

Here endeth the history lesson. Here beginneth the biochemistry lesson, in MY words:Brewer's yeast is a good source of vitamin B, but live yeast tastes boring, it is poorly digested, and it can even strip vitamin B from the gut. Inactivated yeast lacks the disadvantages, but is still bland. The answer is autolysis: using the yeast's own enzymes to break it down.
Spent brewer's yeast is sieved to get rid of hop resins, and washed to remove bitter tastes. Then it is suspended in water at a temperature greater than 37 C with no nutrients: the yeast cells die, and vitamins and minerals leach out. Then the proteolytic (protein-splitting) enzymes take over, breaking the yeast proteins down into smaller water-soluble fragments, which also leach out.
The yeast cell membrane is unruptured during this time, and can be removed by centrifuging. The clear light brown liquid is then concentrated under a vacuum to a thick paste (the vacuum helps preserve flavours and vitamin B1, thiamine). It is seasoned with salt, and a small proportion of celery and onion extracts to increase the palatability.
Vegemite is sold in a range of sizes up to 910 gram (2 pound) jars, and in bulk in giant tins which must contain about 5 kg of the stuff. Only sissies buy anything less than a 227 gram jar.

Making a Vegemite sandwichIn my experience, their next question is: how do you make a Vegemite sandwich? And a Lamington? Here, ready to cut and paste, are complete answers:
To make a Vegemite sandwich, you collect some grain, grow it and improve the stock for about 10 000 years, grind the seeds to make flour, mix into dough, knead, add yeast, set aside, bake in a greased tin in a medium oven, and slice. This is called "bread".
Oh yes, and to slice the bread, you need a bread board, made of wood. As a general rule, the best place to get wood is from trees -- the wood from sheep, for example, is much too fibrous, and bits keep getting caught up in the bread.
I can send you a recipe for making "butter", but you can also buy this in specialty stores called "supermarkets", from "super", the Old Hittite word for yaks' knees (they used to treat them with butter when they creaked). You will need some butter.
You also need a knife -- let me know if you need to know how to make one -- I believe that the good people of Texas have something similar, that they call a Bowie. Steel is generally best, and frozen mercury is not much good at all. The only wooden knife I ever used tended to merge in with the bread board, and be hard to find.
Anyhow, then you spread the butter on the bread with the knife, add Vegemite in the same way, slap two slices together, and you have a Vegemite sandwich. What could be easier?
Now perhaps you would like to see what the children at one of our local primary schools think about Vegemite. Try the Elanora Heights Primary School Vegemite page for size and taste.
LamingtonsLamingtons are just about as easy to make as Vegemite sandwiches. You buy them from the Lamington shop.
We bring our children up on these two delicacies, so as you can see, it is really easy for us to explain them in simple terms that foreigners can understand.
How do the lamington shop people make them? Well, first you have to know that Lamingtons were invented as a way of rejuvenating stale sponge cake. So if you are going to make genuine country cake-shop Lamingtons, you need a nice solid sponge cake, cut into cubes.
Next, you roll the cubes of cake through some chocolate icing, and then into a tray of desiccated coconut, so the chocolate-covered cake looks as though it has a terminal case of dandruff.
Some people slice the Lamington, and smear cream in between, but this detracts from the main flavours.
To the best of my knowledge, nobody puts Vegemite in a Lamington or dunks them in beer -- the TimTam Suck is bad enough, but I refuse to discuss that on grounds of good taste.
Click here to go back to the OZKULCHA Home Page"

There you go Sling...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

A treat for Jin!

After some time drooling over Jin's wonderful pastry and things so beautiful made into cakes etc that I being a peasant wouldn't be game to even cut them (have a look at her work it'll blow your gastronomic mind....

I decided to offer up my di
nner for your predilection...

I delicately buttered some organic bread (it was) with no gluten at all, - and smothered it with real butter, forget shit margarine, its poison...and 'lite'..or light as it should be spelle, butter is crap because of the chemicals and processes they use to make it light...if you want butter have real butter...

then I dragged out my cask of de Bertolli's unwooded "kardonnay" we call a cask down under a "Gin's purse" so sue me if you know what that means..its just the slang... and the Vegemite smothered on the butter topped all this off as treat.Buckets of Vit B..

S's pretty lovely isn't it Jin????
Two developments and a bit of a ranting..

Just after Christmas I received two Documents from an Internal Inquiry done by Royal North Shore into my husband's treatment and death. I had received the draft just before Christmas but withheld it from the girls because of its content and of how angry their explanation of some of the issues made me. I wanted them to have a certain peace of mind for Christmas.We all felt very angry with the tone of their reply and their explaining away many issues which caused Don further suffering.I have prepared along with the girls, a response to these documents but am not happy about sending it to RNSH for the time being.

Also I was phoned by the Coroner's office after Christmas and they are now seeking all original records from RNSH, PMBH and Dr Stewart.

I forwarded RNSH's two documents and our response to the Coroner's office, to the Health Care Complaint's Unit and also engaged my solicitor to approach a friend of hers who was Cardiothoracic and a Barrister and am hoping that she will prepare a detailed report for us from all the notes etc. I am not happy about having to begin action against RNSH, because it all becomes about money. Its not about the money. Its about making all those connected accountable as with any unexplained death. So am hanging back hoping that the Health Care Complaints Unit and the Coroner's office will have the guts to do what should be done.

The issues they admit to are shocking such as instead of draining Don's lungs with a 3KPA pressure a "transcription" error...(their words) meant that his lungs were drained at 31KPA for almost 24 hours before a nurse noticed. The original mistake was made in theatre and no one spotted it for all that time.

They admit that Cardio thoracic "assumed" Don had already been seen by a Cardio Thoracic specialist in port Macquarie...that assumption which no doctor should make we believe cost Don his life, but not till he lingered for five weeks.
They seem unable to comprehend the seriousness of what they are admitting such as,

that there was no Comprehensive care plan. A Comprehensive Care plan should have been mandatory between Spinal and Cardio Thoracic. Why and how was this neglected?Why did Cardio Thoracic (CTH) assume Don had seen a CTH specialist in Port Macquarie? There is no notation towards that. It is unprofessional, unscientific and negligent when dealing with life and death issues to assume such things. How did they arrive at this false and ungrounded assumption? When did they assume that Don had had the Pleurodesis discussed with him in Port Macquarie? There is no notation of this discussion in PMBH’s notes. Why was there no full assessment by Spinal Specialists and Cardiothoracic specialists pre operatively? To not do this on someone, anyone, but someone with Don’s complications and considering the dangers of failed Pleurodesis is negligence. RNSH Inquiry says, “It would have been wise” That is offensive to us, Don’s family but to him most of all. pg2) Why did the treating team at RNSH think Don was under the care of a thoracic surgeon? Where is this information? Why would they assume further thoracic review was not required when Don had seen NO thoracic specialist? The AMA and hospitals must have some mandatory rules they are meant to follow in this way.

The RNSH Cardio Thoracic specialist had not met Don until in Theatre it appears. He had no hands on knowledge of his real situation re health pre operatively. He was the first Cardio Thoracic specialist to actually see Don apart from the brief signing of the consent form by Dr H, if that’s what he is. What quality of surgeon or specialist would do non emergency surgery on any patient at all, but especially one with all the problems Don had, without making sure that a checklist of mandatory steps were followed and in place. To not do so is negligent and shows a lack of duty of care. How could a team of trained specialist EVER assume that further thoracic review wasn't required? Why would they presume their work was already done for them by some fictitious thoracic specialist? One would think that they would value human life and do the right and mandatory preoperative tests required to properly and safely treat their patients.

Why were Don and I not told about the mistake made in theatre and continued in Spinal concerning the suction of Don’s lungs? The suction was ordered to be at 3 KPA (Kilopascals) but because as RNSH claims a transcription error by theatre staff meant that Don’s lungs were suctioned at 31 KPA for almost 24 hours till the next morning when a nurse in Spinal at 8am discovered the mistake? Surely the Specialist should have told us of this. Surely also he should have checked after surgery that all the systems were correct and being done properly. The Specialist was cavalier in his disclosure to Don and I of what had happened. I am under the understanding that doctors should provide full disclosure to patients and or their next of kin and that this is a legal responsibility. This almost never happened in RNSH.
It is outrageous to think that the KPA could have been misread so hugely. Could this have cause lungs collapse as is recorded? Fluid to build up more rapidly? ARDS? (pg4) We were never told during Don’s whole time about the condition of his lungs at the time of admittance to ICU. Why not?

Why were Cardiothoracic unable to see the signs of impending Respiratory Arrest and Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome?

Why did the Spinal Intern “assume” Don’s agitation was due to hypoxia?

There are many many more mistakes reported in their response.

What I am left with as are no doubt my daughters and sister, are constant flashbacks. I feel I have three levels of seeing at present. What I see in front of me… the world etc., what my mind’s eye turns on for me concerning my husband’s extreme prolonged and dreadful suffering and what was between me and my lovely husband…the thirty five years of good things. Right now the images from RNSH seem to predominate.

The list of serious mistakes made in Royal North Shore is pages long and they admit these mistakes but gloss over them by saying they "assume" or they "hope" or that these could appear unacceptable. The tone of their response was one of the most disgusting bureaucratic cover up report I have ever read in my life and I have read a few, due to things Don and I were involved in.

I'm not venting here, just explaining where we are up to and I don't take a back seat when it comes to issues like these. The big problem I see is that more and more people refuse to see and accept any responsibility for any action they do or don't take and our systems and bureaucracies are masters of this sick mindset.

Its this sort of mindset which calls bombing and killing civilians "collateral Damage" go straight to hell for that thinking is my way of thinking because people who do that are fucked as far as I;m concerned.
They can kill and mutilate and imprison and go home to their homes with a smile on their faces truly believing they have done a good days work and that pisses me off.

Ah well it did turn into a rant but it sure feels good at the end of it.

You know the sad thing is what these bastards take away id not just what appears to be a human being or animal or whatever. They remove from life a spirit which was nurtured and gave love and was loved. The other night I remembered how just in the middle of the night Don who often couldn't sleep because of the pain would sense i was awake and just quietly I would hear a soft "I love you" across the pillow...or he would start singing a little song for me... how can you allow someone with that much love in his heart to be killed the way he was without fighting for justice? People assume I am doing it so no one else cops the same...that will be a nice side effect, but like anyone who is killed, I have the duty and right to try to obtain justice for a wrongful death. I consider Don's death Na negligent manslaughter, the same as if I was driving a car drunk and killed someone.

But because it happened in hospital its up to the relatives to do what the police should do. That'd fuck some of those arrogant doctors up if the police could be called in by relatives...

Why not? Their mistakes kill people and if they are honest mistakes not so bad but when there is a culture which supports negligence and covers it up...they should go to bloody jail.

They take away the eyeshine, the smile, the special things that are individual to each of us because we are human.

Run out of steam now... : )

Sunday, January 06, 2008

The Extremely dangerous Australian Hoop Snake... more likely to attack Pommies than Kiwis, but not all that bright.

The snake you are looking at may not be plane safe!If Samuel L. Jackson saw this, claim that he did not look like a bitch. Otherwise, continue to read it until your snake urges are sated.
Australia is home to millions of species capable of eradicating the human race (and lots of other races) from the face of this planet and the planet from which our alien ancestors came. Perhaps the most dangerous of all is the Hoop Snake.
1 Sciency Stuff
2 Attacks!
3 Living in Your Community
4 Method of Attack
5 Avoiding Attacks
6 First Aid

Sciency Stuff
The Hoop Snake, or Oxyuranus Hulaii, is found throughout the Australian continent. It, like all other snakes, is a reptile and therefore is cold blooded. As everyone knows, the best killers are cold blooded killers. As everyone doesn't know, the Hoop Snake is the animal which gave rise to this adage.
On approximately 11 October each year, Australia's Hoop Snakes migrate to Byron Bay in New South Wales to breed. Male and female Hoop Snakes have approximately 50 partners during the next few weeks. These partners are chosen randomly by the females. The Males all put their car keys in a large fruit bowl and the blindfolded females take it in turns to take a set of keys from the bowl. The male who owns the car keys is then allowed to have his way with the female before having his keys returned to him. He is then able to return to his hotel if he needs a break or return his keys to the bowl if he is a real man with some stamina.
The Hoop Snake is born as an egg. The mother snake then sits on the egg for approximately 4 weeks, occasionally making the 4 mile trek to the ocean to hunt krill to maintain its body fat reserves. When the eggs hatch the baby snakes come out and they look so cute with their big round eyes and their forked, sticky-outy tongues.
Approximately 4 weeks after hatching the snakes all return to their designated Housing Commission flats around Australia where they wait until next year's orgy.
The Hoop Snake lives, on average, for about 9 years before being run over by me in my car.
The hoop snake is so deadly for 3 reasons:
1. Its ability to live unsuspected in the community until the time is right for an attack; and
2. Its unusual method of attack.
3. It's an Australian snake. What the fuck else do you need to know?
Living in Your Community
An entire family of Hoop Snakes could be living in your street and you wouldn't even know it. They could even be living right next door to you, or even be your own family. Beware! Be alert and alarmed, people.

Method of Attack
The Hoop Snake's attack works best from uphill. A Hoop Snake will wait at the top of a hill, mountain or even slight incline. It will wait until an unsuspecting victim walks past below doing something innocent and unsuspecting like going to the shops to buy some bread or walking around looking for cars to steal.
When the hoop snake spies its victim it bites its own tail to form the eponymous hoop. It then begins to roll towards the victim. With undulations of its muscular body it gains speed and momentum at an exponential rate. Before long it is careening headlong towards the unsuspecting victim who has just managed to get their jemmy down beside the car window.
At the last moment the snake lets go of its tail and hurtles through the air with its 5-inch fangs bared and pointing towards the victim's buttocks.
The fatal venom is administered and the victim is generally dead so quickly they manage only to say, "Holy shit. What the fuck was tha..." before collapsing on the ground.
The Hoop Snake then administers anitvenom to itself for the bite on its own tail. This is the most expensive part of being a Hoop Snake so the snake will generally go through the victim's pockets looking for money and credit cards which it can use to get more antivenom.
Most who have ever experienced a personal attck from a hoop snake have all experienced a strange yellow/brown liquid in their pants. None interviewed knew what it was, but with ever advancing scientific information, some have claimed that it is a human defence system. Some have suggested that this liquid could be the essential factor in a vaccine. Much of this liquid has been scrped out for further testing, and some volenteers drink this liquid for a build up of the immune system.
Avoiding Attacks
It is almost impossible to avoid being attacked by a Hoop Snake. They attack. It's just what they do. You can, however, learn and practise taking evasive action when the Hoop Snake does attack. School children in Australia are routinely interrupted for Hoop Snake Drills during class, just in case.
The Hoop Snake relies on downhill slopes and the force of gravity to make its attacks. For this reason the best method of defence is a good offence. If you see a Hoop Snake rolling towards you, start running back uphill towards it. At just the right moment, step to the side like you're dodging a tackle from Glen Lazarus. The Hoop Snake will fly past you. Once it is downhill from you, you are safe. Timing is the most important factor here. Too late and you're dead. Too early and you're dead. Just right and you live to tell the tale. Practice makes perfect and there are plenty of Australian corporations that provide Hoop Snake training equipment so that you don't have to practice with the real thing.
First Aid
If you or a loved one do get bitten then you're probably going to wonder what you should do. The answer is that there is nothing you can do. Administer the last rites or whatever it is that your particular god demands of you prior to the extinction of your pathetic little life. You're a goner, mate.
Note: Please see Pogo Snake.
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The Drop Bear.
When the kids were little Don used to regale us all with tales from the interior and scare them with tales of the dangerous Drop bear and even worse the Hoop Snake. He took great delight in especially telling visitors from Pommie Land about our wildlife... being less sophisticated those days I believed his tales, as he had travelled so widely... but later on had my doubts about their veracity. You could have knocked me down with a feather when after all this time Alison sent me these articles... you have to go online to see the photos of these dangerous animals who are responsible for many touristy disappearances. See the links right down the bottom end...

He was spot on after all. Now I am wondering if the tales he told the kids about the giraffe that was housed in an old shed but could only be seen by him was true also...

You should be also beware of the Hoop snake especially if you are moving over here from New Zealand Jules... see next post you are moving here soon, and it frequents the east coast of Australia you should be forewarned...
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An adorable baby Drop Bear
This article may be Overly Australian. Pommies may
not understand funny stuff, only humour. Canucks and Yanks may not understand anything at all. Don't change a thing and she'll be fine, mate!
“God's first attempt at chibby action.”
Oscar Wilde on Drop Bear

The Drop Bear (Koalas Droppii v. terroraustralis) is a totally (censored)
Australian marsupial. Some claim that it is entirely derived from Aboriginal folklore and supposed 'fossil evidence'. Others claim that the source of this reputedly farcical animal can be traced to real-estate agent Larry Kingship. According to some sources, Kingship would dress up as a drop bear in order to scare off people who might be interested in purchasing the old Goldstream Hotel. Apparently he wanted to buy the land at a deflated price in order to stake a claim to the gold filled riverbed that ran through the grounds. This attempt was reputedly foiled by a team of medaling kids and their lovable dog. After their investigation the surviving member escaped her bonds and walked through the Australian desert for three days. There is no information about her current whereabouts or whether she retains evidence of Drop Bear bites. (Citation not required)
Kingship's Drop Bear was reported to be more like a kangaroo than a koala. Its call, which sounded something like ‘oogity boogitdy’, resembled neither. A journalist questioned Kingship about the lack of his Bear's similarity to the original sketches in the mythical Captain Cook's almost equally mythical diary. (Note: Some learned sources insist that one or other of these items is not entirely mythical.) Kingship was reported to have said, "What? I was impersonating your mum." Unfortunately the interview was adjourned when shots were fired and the truth of his assertion cannot be confirmed.
Scientists, naturalists, Australians and God have tried to fake evidence for the existence of this animal in antiquity by planting fossils, rewriting history, starting rumours and inventing folk mythology. The creation of the internet put a stop to this nonsense as there are now multiple and easily accessible testimonials that drop bears do in fact not exist, and that they do so in company with Hitler’s supposed ‘concentration camps’ and the 9/11 attacks on the God-fearing American theofasocracy.

1 Important Information
1.1 Physical Appearance
1.2 Habitat
1.3 Prey
2 Prevention of Drop Bear Attacks
3 See also
4 External link

edit] Important Information
It is important that people tell prospective travelers to Australia that there will be many attempts made to warn them about these animals. It is possible that they may fail to be taken in by the cleverly placed danger signs, animal watch tours and plausible zoo enclosures. Some overseas visitors have been told that officials have been known to pay a hobo to put on a specially created suit and impersonate a Drop Bear in the zoo grounds. Other personnel have stated that this could be considered as highly irresistible behavior while others have not made themselves available for comment.
There have been recent reports of evidence that Drop Bears once lived in Indonesia. According to the reports, these spurious Bears were an even larger version of the modern Australian version. Evolutionists and abortionists will tell you this is because the ancestors of Indonesian Drop Bears are related to the ancestors of the devolved Australian bear. Abortionists assert that the Bears originated on the Indonesian islands because these are mere stepping stones off the Australian mainland and contain Australia's nearest Bahasa Indonesia speakers. You may wish to consider most of these assertions to be absolute lies.
The reports of the existence of a Giant American Drop Bear (see image far below) should not be taken seriously.
Physical Appearance

One of the larger varieties of drop bears. The People travelling in this car were listening to rap music which is the mating call for the drop bear.
Drop Bears resemble Koalas, with several noticeable differences:
Koalas do not grow up to 2m in height.
Koalas do not have sharp claws or teeth. (Used for bark or meat)
It is unlikely for a
Koala to have a tail.
Drop Bears do not have pouches.
Drop Bears do not photograph well.
Koalas will not give birth to a Rudd love child.
Compared with Koalas, which some authorities insist are close relatives of these creatures, Drop Bears are usually browner in colour, ranging from dark brown to darker brown. They have short, thick, curls of fur, and a single digit on each paw. The digit terminates in a long claw-like retractable nail. This makes them especially good at eye-gouging and slicing open the skin of their prey (a practice which can facilitate growth of particularly virulent strains of swamp-borne infection).
Rare sightings of Drop Bears on terra firma (ie, not in trees) lend credence to the suggestion that the Drop Bear's unusual lack of digits makes it very difficult for the animal to gesticulate like a
human being. Nevertheless, this deficit does not prevent the Bears from trying to emulate this action as best they can. That this can sometimes be quite successful is supported by a report [citation required] of a Drop Bear who appeared to be attempting to copy Chris Warbol. [Link required to explanation or expose of Chris Warbol.]
edit] Habitat
The Common Drop Bear is usually to be found in the Tall Forests of
Victoria and South Australia. Drop Bears are also known to inhabit the Mangrove Swamps of the Northern Territory and Queensland. The animals like to spend most of the time in the tree tops. This gives them a good launching spot for a drop upon unsuspecting prey, an activity which led to their common name. Drop Bears are notoriously hard to spot whilst in their natural habitat as their fur camouflages well with the olive grey hue of the foliage. [Note: other variations of Drop Bear have been recorded with characteristics which are more suited to their differing habitats. These include the rare Snow Drop Bear (white fur) and the Lesser Aquatic Drop Bear (mottely blue)]

edit] Prey
The primary prey of Drop Bears are unsuspecting tourists, often
Welsh or German but usually US American or Japanese. It is commonly understood that the Bears favour those with cameras, due to the entrancing reflection of the sun's rays from the glass lenses on a typical Aussie scorcher of a day. It is not true that Drop Bears are merely mesmerized by their reflections in the instruments or harbour a conscious or unconscious desire to be photographed. There is no truth in the rarely misquoted assertion that they wish to be "at one with the lens".
Other factors are responsible for causing the natives of some countries to be more attractive then others to Drop Bears. When lost in the Australian bush, German tourists are known to excrete a musky odour (apparently a fear response) which has been shown to attract Drop Bears from up to 5km (approx 3 miles) away.
Although the Drop Bears are attracted to light they, like their similarly sozzled koalic cousins, are often too drunk or too hung over to handle an excess of it. Fortunately this factor, coupled with the sometimes predictable nature of the Australian climate, keeps Drop Bears contained to the tree tops in most situations. A carefully pointed camera may catch one arsing around up there or placidly enjoying the gum juices.

Rare photo of a gorged Drop Bear.This particular bear is 12ft tall and American. See earlier disclaimer.

It is a commonly held misconception that Drop Bears are vicious
Vampires. Whilst a sub-species of marsupial almost identical in appearance to the Drop Bear has been reported to display vicious tendencies upon contact with Homo Sapiens, the true Drop Bear is just as often gentle and tender as it is aggressive. Because of this inexplicable fluctuation of mood Drop Bears are considered unpredictable and 'dangerous'. It is, however, widely rumoured that the aggression of native Australian Drop Bears is increasing in both scale and sophistication. Recently cited examples of Drop Bear activity include Schapelle Corby's first name and (surprisingly unrelated) her incarceration for drug trafficking (having allegedly packed her boogie-board bag). Other reported activities include the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami, Gretel Killeen and Prime Minister John Howard's anus, rectum and left buttock, colloquially and collectively referred to as "Alexander Downer". (This site disclaims all responsibility for this.)
It should be noted that the official research arm of the Australian Government, the
CSIRO, is currently investigating claims of increased aggression in the Drop Bear population of Pine Gap. An unpublished paper [citation required] allegedly found elevated levels of G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate in the tissues of (*cough*) ...subdued... Drop Bears. If confirmed, the implications of this discovery would be absolutely devastating for the Australian economy, for the morale of the populace and for sporting event telecast rights. The implied reason for this conclusion is that it would confirm Joss Whedon is, in fact, a Drop Bear. And a cute one, too.
Drop Bears have had some devastating effects on the environment. Central Australia now consists of vast tracts of treeless desert due to the voracious appetites of the local Drop Bear population coupled with the dearth of American tourists and escaped Boat People in the area. This has increased carbon dioxide levels to highly predictable proportions. Scientists have noted that there is now a large whole in the ozone layer above Australia.
In recent times, Drop Bears have been forced to move into urban areas due to deforestation. In 2003, fatalities due to Drop Bear attacks reached a devastating high when the population of
Adelaide was completely wiped out. After the attacks, a Drop Bear sanctuary was created on the site of the former city, and 90% of Australia's Drop Bear population was moved here and put under the rule of the Kintiser. Sadly, the sanctuary was not to last. In February of 2005, the Kintiser was assassinated by 500 drop bears and Queensland stole the last drop of water from the River Murray. Once again, the Drop Bears were deprived of their main water supply. The Drop Bears protested this outside Parliament house in Canberra, where they were unjustly accused of being illegal immigrants and promptly deported to the Phillipines. It was thought prudent not send them in the same facilities housing illegal boat people as these individuals have been already been targeted as a major food source for the animals. It is rumoured that the remaining 10% of Drop Bears are currently lobbying the Australian government to acknowledge their fellow furries' right to full citizenship and to return them to the land of their birth. However this rumor appears to be a little far-fetched.
Other little known facts about Drop Bears are that they have a top speed of 400km/h, can eat a human in 1/100 of a second and incubate their offspring in the human male. While the latter fact is heavily disputed it would not be wise to be near a Drop Bear in mating season, especially if you are a male.
edit] Prevention of Drop Bear Attacks
Preventing attacks from Drop Bears can be easy (and fun) if you know how.
Avoid walking under trees. If for some bizarre reason you feel a compelling urge to walk under every tree you see, attempt to avoid the chainsaw of natural selection by lying down under trees and spitting upward. Drop Bears will typically spit back down at you. If you successfully detect a Drop Bear - Move. Quickly.
Rub Toothpaste (non-gel type) behind your ears. Drop Bears cannot abide the smell of toothpaste. Do not fall for the common mistake of rubbing Vegemite behind your ears: that's just silly. Stick to the toothpaste! Do not be lured by the misconception that rubbing the shit of an Australian politician behind your ears will prevent attack. It may stink but it's full of bullshit!
Drop Bears have been known to be allergic to submachine gun rounds. It would be a good idea to carry a submachine gun on your next camping trip.
Play all the
Kid's Bop series of CDs continuously if you are anywhere near Drop Bear territory. Drop Bears are inclined to drop on children because their anal teeth can easily digest one so small. However, a whole platoon of screeching children is quite a different matter all together (YOU try shoving a platoon of pre-teens up your ass and see hows' you like it).

Drop bear proof resistant hat and shoulderpads.
Stick forks in your hat. While this may not actually prevent the Drop Bear from attacking you, it will certainly deter it from attacking you again.
Before setting out on a bushwalk (aka
Magic Roundabout) trickle rivulets of your own urine on your footwear.
If you suspect an encroaching attack by a Drop Bear, walk on your hands. This totally confuses drop bears, as they begin to wonder if they are actually below you looking up through the ground. This is so distressing for the Bear that it often triggers an onset of
WARNING: Although drop bears prefer to live in the wild, the recent 7 year drought has driven many of them into the Central Business Areas of major cities. Although widely suppressed in the media, there have been a number of incidents of Drop Bears plummeting from city office blocks and killing pedestrians. No reports are yet confirmed as drops from as high as the 40th floor do not leave much of either the victim or the Drop Bear for the purposes of identification. Do not step on suspicious street substances as this may destroy vital evidence. Be careful under buildings, as 300 Drop Bears can live on a single building, and often hunt as a pack.
Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT take certain brands of beer or articles of food into the bush. Drop Bears have a supernatural smell gland which enables them to locate their favorite brands of beer and food. The definition of food may not be entirely obvious even if it is understood. It should be noted that the Common Drop Bear has a predilection for the Lesser Brained American Tourist, especially members of famous bands.
For some weird reason, drop bears never eat Aussies. Pretending to be Australian doesn't help. Drop Bears are always suspicious of accents which sound like Paul Hogan.

AustraliaSo where the bloody hell are you? [hide]

Australia (Oz) • AustraliansGovernmentLeaderHistory of AustraliaAustralian-English Dictionary

Southern Territory Northern OZ Tascademania New South Ireland Tramland Terra Australis Kingsland Drunk
Fauna: Banjo The Boony Doll Bunyip Dingo Drop Bear Emu Galah Home slaughtering Hoop Snakes Kangaroos (Killer) Kangaroos (non-Killer) Kangaroos (friendly) Koalas Koalas (other) Kookaburra Platypus (ordinary) Platypus (duck-billed) Possum Vegemite (other) Wombat Lamington
Radelaide Brisbun Canbra Melborn Mount Isa Perf Shit-nee Yarm Uluru Wagga Wagga Wollongong Cootamundra Tamworth Townsville Ipshite

People: Aboriginals Amanda Vanstone Anthony Callea Barnaby Joyce Bert Newton Bill Lawry Bogan Captain Cook Crocodile Dundee Germaine Greer Horny Warnie Hugh Jackman Iain Hewitson James Bracey John Howard John Winston Howard Keith Urban Kerry Packer Kevin Andrews Kim Beazley Kevin Rudd Kylie Minogue Lara Bingle Larry Emdur Mark Latham Naomi Robson Pauline Hanson Peter Brock Peter Costello Philip Ruddock Ricky Ponting Rob Mills Rolf Harris Russell Crowe Sir Alfred Metcard Spoida'man Steve Irwin Tasmanians Tony Abbott The guy that won the 1986 olympics

edit] See also
Hoop Snake
Warrior Wombat
Killer Kangaroo
John Howard & Mcintosh is also within the same family of animals
Gough Whitlam
edit] External link
This is the exclusive source where 98.4% of the above article comes from see [
here]. I nearly crapped myself in fear watching this!
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Categories: Australia Oscar Wildeizms Marsupials Dangerous

Fauna: Banjo The Boony Doll Bunyip Dingo Drop Bear Emu Galah Home slaughtering Hoop Snakes Kangaroos (Killer) Kangaroos (non-Killer) Kangaroos (friendly) Koalas Koalas (other) Kookaburra Platypus (ordinary) Platypus (duck-billed) Possum Vegemite (other) Wombat Lamington