Saturday, May 14, 2011

On Tuesday it will be 4 whole years since  my lovely Don was killed by gross medical negligence. I am trying so hard not to be sad and most of the time am doing well, but no matter how many people I have in my life and no matter how busy i am it is dreadfully lonely without him.

I figured out some time back apart from the love and all that stuff it is the fun we had together - all four of us. Just the flick of a tongue dripping with sarcasm would have us rolling about and Don was the Master. About 2 years ago the girls and I did another home video -a brrrrilliant send up of some pompous bastards it is our misfortune to know - something we had done on many occasions with don before - we were amazed to find we hadn't lost our touch and we laughed ourselves silly and hurt our throats at the outcome - a masterpiece. But Don was the star in so many home videos - Melissa, Alison and I were so pleased that we still had the touch - and we admitted to each other that we had been worried we couldn't do it without Don's being there.

When you lose the love of your life - (and I have to say I was so lucky to have found him  - some people never do) it is hard to accept that in this life you will never see the eyeshine, hear the voice and be held in love the way you were. We are a loyal lot in our family - marriages generally make it and we have ourselves gone through some really bad times when we almost walked away - but we didn't and am so glad now.

It was on this day that the bastards  admitted Don was dying . Something he had known for five long weeks of pain, indignity, downright cruelty and filth - and may I add no small amount of very lucrative research - (and I do know this for sure). Its so hard not to hate them for what they did, for what they covered up, for their lies and brutality - and I don't hate them - I don't even remember what most of them look like and have blocked that all out I feel. I hate what they did and are still no doubt doing to other poor frail vulnerable people - because nothing has changed.

I tried to change things and maybe one person who mistreated Don may have got the message - but unless I get the message to those who investigate and until they accept that they are not doing their job - what was done to my husband will happen over and over. There are those doctors like Patel and the Butcher of Bega - who finally get caught not because of the system but in spite of it - but I know from the figures they are just a few of the many - in every major town there are doctors like Patel and Reeves. There is one in this area who just gets shifted sideways when he butchers someone and then three or so years later he is back. Also I accept how hard it is for those who do whistle-blow to stay in their jobs because their peers make it almost impossible and they usually leave and work in other industries.

I have TAFE on the day and its a long day so I won't be sitting here working myself up to be miserable - but I will honour my wonderful man in the way I do - with a candle and some of the flowers he caused to be planted.

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FoxyMoron said...

I so wish I had known him, what a character. I love when you post these photos, and the happy, funny family times you all had in spite of everything.
If there is anything I can ever do to help you in exposing the charlatans please let me know Therese.
I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday.

FoxyMoron said...

AND I just had a closer look at that photo of you and Don and it was BUTTER. So funny, and you have the most beautiful smile and looked so happy in that shot.

Anne said...

Four years! I read what you've written and realise how much I have ahead of me. Like you despite the people around and how I try hard to fill my days, it's the lonelinesse - does it get better??

We were lucky to have found these men of ours.

Shrinky said...

Oh Therese, you look so radiantly happy and beautiful in that shot with Don. I can't even begin to imagine the loss you have to live with

I am thinking of you hon (hugs).

Maggie May said...

I am so sorry you lost your beautiful love, and so glad you had it. Words fail next to something so large, but I am reading..

Middle Child said...

Foxymoron two of my sisters are never seen near butter - so when ever he got the chance he'd make a point of shitstirring them - and yes we were very happy - as said I miss the fun we had

Middle Child said...

Anne - It comes and goes this year was very hard but most of the time I am happy enough, just lonely for him.

Middle Child said...

Shrinky - thank you - we still fought as well as being happy but luckily we appreciated each other at the time so there is no guilt over lost opportunities

Middle Child said...

Maggie May - Thank you - yes I think of all my sisters I am the luckiest as I did find my soul mate and can't really say they have - but we are a loyal lot - he was the best