On Tuesday it will be 4 whole years since  my lovely Don was killed by gross medical negligence. I am trying so hard not to be sad and most of the time am doing well, but no matter how many people I have in my life and no matter how busy i am it is dreadfully lonely without him.

I figured out some time back apart from the love and all that stuff it is the fun we had together - all four of us. Just the flick of a tongue dripping with sarcasm would have us rolling about and Don was the Master. About 2 years ago the girls and I did another home video -a brrrrilliant send up of some pompous bastards it is our misfortune to know - something we had done on many occasions with don before - we were amazed to find we hadn't lost our touch and we laughed ourselves silly and hurt our throats at the outcome - a masterpiece. But Don was the star in so many home videos - Melissa, Alison and I were so pleased that we still had the touch - and we admitted to each other that we had been worried we couldn't do it without Don's being there.

When you lose the love of your life - (and I have to say I was so lucky to have found him  - some people never do) it is hard to accept that in this life you will never see the eyeshine, hear the voice and be held in love the way you were. We are a loyal lot in our family - marriages generally make it and we have ourselves gone through some really bad times when we almost walked away - but we didn't and am so glad now.



It was on this day that the bastards  admitted Don was dying . Something he had known for five long weeks of pain, indignity, downright cruelty and filth - and may I add no small amount of very lucrative research - (and I do know this for sure). Its so hard not to hate them for what they did, for what they covered up, for their lies and brutality - and I don't hate them - I don't even remember what most of them look like and have blocked that all out I feel. I hate what they did and are still no doubt doing to other poor frail vulnerable people - because nothing has changed.

I tried to change things and maybe one person who mistreated Don may have got the message - but unless I get the message to those who investigate and until they accept that they are not doing their job - what was done to my husband will happen over and over. There are those doctors like Patel and the Butcher of Bega - who finally get caught not because of the system but in spite of it - but I know from the figures they are just a few of the many - in every major town there are doctors like Patel and Reeves. There is one in this area who just gets shifted sideways when he butchers someone and then three or so years later he is back. Also I accept how hard it is for those who do whistle-blow to stay in their jobs because their peers make it almost impossible and they usually leave and work in other industries.

I have TAFE on the day and its a long day so I won't be sitting here working myself up to be miserable - but I will honour my wonderful man in the way I do - with a candle and some of the flowers he caused to be planted.