Friday, January 09, 2009

Tonight I admit...I am not dealing with losing my Don. Today I accepted as fact that I can't go out and deal with the world as "normal". Just seeing couples together... not youngsters but any couples brings me to tears....

how am I meant to know how and in what time frame I can deal with my grief. I thought it would get easier s the year past but it gets worse... I see everything in the eyes of both of us...which is how I lived for all my adult life...

sorry folks... I am not dealing well... and it gets worse as time passes

we all have our own problems.... I know this, but I recall every pore of Don's skin, evrey hair on his arms. His smell, his eyes... his incredible love...I know its just grief...and I will deal with it in time...

11 comments:

Mal's Team Gherkin said...

[[[hugs]]] One day at a time. it's OK to feel this way, even tho it's not a nice feeling tho. Don knows what you're feeling. He does.

Caroline said...

he knows because he's with you every step of the way loving you just the same

FoxyMoron said...

((((((Therese)))))))

While I have no idea what it must be like, I have never lost a partner, I have lost a child though, and all I can say to you is just do and say what feels right for you. You don't "get over" a loss like this, somehow you just eventually find a way to live with it, and while not accepting it, as Don's death was at the hands of someone else's negligence, fit it into the fabric of your life.
I am not one of those people who turn away from another's grief because it's too unbearable to witness, so forgive me if my words to you are clumsy or offensive. It really does help to talk, or it helped me, I just had to find the right people to talk TO, who wouldn't pat my hand and say "there there it's time to put it behind you".
There is no time frame. Only a kind of moving through it. Early days yet, so be kind to yourself and NEVER apologise for expressing your pain and sadness.

Middle Child said...

Mal I am sure he does - On one level I KNOW but the human part of me hasn't come anywhere near accepting

Caroline Thanks - people die every day in this world, its as sure as birth...and I know people who seem to have gotton on with life, but maybe they really haven't. No doubt they are putting on the public face as well. I just am finding it harder to go in public and too often lose the plot and have to come home.Who knows

MeHereNow said...

There's no rules about grief. You do it your way and in your own time.
I'm still grieving for Dad 28 years after he died.
That's ok and people who don't think that - need a slap!

((hugs))

Sling said...

I don't think there is a time limit on grief Therese.
It may very well be better than hardening the heart,but I just don't know.

Wanna_B_slimmer said...

It is realy hard to read a post like this simply because I have no answers... I wish I did..
I hate to see you aching inside like this Therese... All I can do is send you a cyber hug... The love you shared with Don is one in a million...

David said...

There is no expiry date of grief. There is no normal with love. At least know you are surrounded by wishes for healing and ease.

Mom said...

When my dad died my brother told me through his tears, "If the price of being loved by this wonderful man is the tears I shed today I would pay a thousand times over. I was truly loved. That is worth everything."
You aren't supposed to get over such a great loss. You just learn to live with a giant hole in your heart.
A big hug from me to you.

Anonymous said...

I have a dear friend who lost her daughters in a tragic car accident 2 years ago (ages 14 & 16 their only children)- no words can ever describe this type of pain, but I admire this woman because she is part of an organization for greiving parents. She is there for parents that are going through this type of pain, and it brings her healing. I'm not saying support groups and these organizations are for everyone, but I can see her growth through her pain. I believe we are meant to be here for each other, some days can be worse than others, this too shall pass -
I admire your strength too MC- and your wisdom - keep on keepin on....

Middle Child said...

Me here now...I know what you mean...next year we remember our dad's death forty years ago...and there he is with his blue grey eyes and amazing head of hair... I guess when dad died i was a kid. when mum died i had my kids and on...now there is just me ... I am better when with my girls...

Sling... I just don't know either...there are no rules are there...I feel a bit embarrassed at what must seem to be self indulgent...but then that could be my Catholic ubringing talking.

Wanna be slimmer...there are no answers...with greta love comes great pain...I am sure there must be a reason for this equation.


Anon...thanks for this. I hope never to have to endure what the parents of these two girls are. If I am a mess now, I don't even want to consider the other. I know once my book is published and that dies down, an hopefuly the Inquest is held...when I ahve had some time just being...I wil get reinvolved with areas which I can help with...maybe with the victims of mnedical error action group...

David, thank you... I know this, and have always known this...but knowing and understanding are two different things.

Mom thanks for that...and the cyber hug is appreciated and received no doubt.