Big day today!
I signed up with the Real Estate Agent today - a bitter sweet moment - some private tears thats for sure - Its like I am happy to leave here - the town itself has not been a kind place really - I think too many thought I should just cop it sweet the killing of my husband - but they were only the people who did not know and sadly it is mainly the more "professional" people in town who are like this - I have had too many who would once sit down with us and have coffee in town walk past me, ignore me, - but I usually step right up in their faces and Say a bright " hello" which makes me smile because I can see how it disconcerts them 0 in some way I feel and I know its not my imagination - I have stepped out of the "respectable widow" role and am seen as a shit stirrer..a role I relish because it is the shit stirrers who make change happen - and its not easy to be in this mindset -
Tomorrow I have to front up to the Port Macquarie Base Hospital for day surgery - its exploratory - as you can imagine I am sick in my guts about this after Don's last time here when they sent him down to Sydney with inadequate notes which exacerbation what was done to him - but needs must.
Its simple stuff I know but it scares me more than you can imagine - to be in their hands, unconscious - to have to trust that the right things will be done - wish i felt lucky but time and circumstance have shown me we are not "the lucky family".
Feel like a big sook - have a taxi booked already and a friend who will spend the night after with me so am lucky - the damage done out of what was done to my lovely Don runs so deep and as I pack up my house/ my life - as I go back into the world that killed him I realise how damaged I really am. And thats whats left when those of us who see those we love abused and killed in the medical system deal with. There is not body to care about this. There is no counselling for this. Nothing. Those who have had rellos killed can hopefully access some help but for those of us...over 18,000 in 1995 who have rellos killed by medical negligence there is nothing at all - but go home and go on - I figure that by now 16 years later the figures of those killed is much much higher - and add to that the hundreds of thousands of those permanently injured - you can't even contemplate. If this many planes dropped out of the sky due to pilot negligence it would be a national disgrace - It Is a national disgrace...but protected and submerged because there is no system of honest and open investigation - much needed and overlooked - No one wants to tackle this issue.
I think my home will sell quickly - it is so lovely, unique and peaceful out here. When I come out of town to here its almost as if a sigh of peace descends upon me as I drive through the gate - I just hope people who appreciate this will but it.