Friday, March 27, 2009

Billy Connelly on chain letters.

Be aware this is Billy's diatribe about Chain email letters so if language offends...its up to you. Foxymoron posted about chain emails and was reminded of this little piece. This is for you Foxy.

"Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you, and everyone to whom you send 'his' email?

How stupid are we?
Ooooh, looky here!

If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bullshit.Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and kill me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.

Fuck 'em!!If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing.I've seen all the 'send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being' forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.The point being?If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.
Billy Connolly
PS Send me 15 bucks and then fuck off. "

11 comments:

FoxyMoron said...

Love it!! I was reading it imagining Billy saying it in his gorgeous accent, his voice getting revved up as it does.

Probably the worst forward for me was a "Christmas card" from a friend I have known for many years online, a good friend, that when I opened it had a gazillion other names on it as well. At least take them off and make it LOOK like you only sent it to me. The friendship kinda died off after that.

Mom said...

Chain emails are extremely irritating. I never read them. They are deleted as soon as I see them. But if Bill Gates wants he can send the money to me anyway.

Mal's Team Gherkin said...

Well said, Billy! Good fun smiling material, that!

After being online for over 10 years myself, I think I've seen and read every possible chain-mail email there is... thankfully i get less-and-less of them these days, as I guess most people just delete them immediately these days, rather than feeling obliged to forward them on. Thank gawd! hahahaa.

Please forward this to only 10 people within the next 10 minutes to receive $10 a minute for 10 days from a 10-year-old girl with 10 warts growing in the middle of her 10 noses... and a bonus set of steak knives we'll throw in for just $9.99! [giggles] :P

Ann oDyne said...

yep, that's why grumpy recovering alcoholic Billy is rich and beloved.

There are cellphone chains too.
My friend Ann sent me (and her entire Contacts list) one which said I should do likewise.
I deleted it and said to her
"God Ann it costs you money for every one of those recipients, and then they pay to open your message. Telstra starts the bloody things!"

FoxyMoron said...

lol@Telstra starting the mobile phone emails. God I wonder if they really do?

Mal's Team Gherkin said...

I nearly fell over when I received cellphone spam too! Luckily it's VERY rare for me these days - thank goodness for that!

Telstra is so stuffed for cash, it wouldn't surprise me if they're pulling a stunt like that! hahahhaa. Me? A cynic? NEVA :D

Anne said...

Billy - I love him! My parents spoke with the same accent.

LOL can just picture him saying this.

Slap me - but got to admit there are some I just can't not forward on!

Random Thinker said...

I never even read them. If the subject line says it was forwarded I'm not interested. A similar phenomenon is happening on facebook... "25 things you don't know about me"... You're supposed to add it to your profile and then pass it on to others.

Jules said...

I agree with Billy!!

I love Billy!!

I would surely shag Billy!!

And I don't care if he is grumpy or a recovering alcoholic.

He is right on the money.

And I delete every single one of those bloody letters. More often than not they are viruses trying to be spread around.

Sling said...

I don't have the time to forward chain e-mails.
..I'm much too busy corresponding with Nigerian Princes that want to share 10 million dollars with me,just for storing it in my bank account.

Middle Child said...

Foxy moron...it was just for you!!!


Mom, no doubt Bill gates is posting it as i write this


Mal...what about the religious ones that mention God a lot...as if!

Ann O Dyne...Something about Billy reminds me of how Don was and his attitude...we laughed and cried so much... better than being in the middle and never reaching extremes.

Foxy...it would make sense wouldn't it?

Mal maybe old Sol was short of the green stuff to take back to the good old U.S of A.

Anne...so your mum and dad came from Glasgow...or there abouts...you must have had an interesting childhood

Random thinker...we are still a superstitious bunch...but I just delete them...its easier and I want to keep the few mates i have.


Jules..you are right he is shaggable isn't he...and you wouldn't have to be so correct with him...can't stand the games people play that way...why I loved don so much...he was wicked as well...

Sling, you too...they promised it all to me...Goll darn it!