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The sold sign went up on my house finally yesterday. I hand over the keys 2nd November - was a bit bitter sweet coming home after being at the solicitor's office - went past our old house where we raised the girls and there is nothing there but a vacant block - the old cattle grid is all that remains. We had the best of times even after Don broke his neck in '82 -moved into that house in '85 - we all just seem to put one foot ahead of the other and after a lot of initial heartache it just worked so well. The girls had a different childhood than their friends and they tell me how lucky they were to have had the dad they did. Every single Christmas we would all dress up and enjoy our own "Mackay" Christmas - something that nothing seems to match - but each family has their own depending on the nature of that family - usually meaning if the parents have remembered how it felt to be a child...ie to be childlike and not childish in their love of fun. After 35 years here - the places remain in your head but its the people always who made those places special.
I am not doing so well lately just when I thought grief would lessen it seems to become more intense - grief so much different from "depression" - but then I never really took took time out to just cry and go with it as the fight to get justice for the death of my husband became paramount - now am only weeks away from moving away from where we spent our whole adult lives - its hit with a slam dunk and apart from crying I don't know how to deal with it - a normal death like - I was going to say my Mother's but then hers as well was not normal, not my fathers - think the family may be jinxed that way - no one dies in their PJ's -
So poor Melbournites here I come - I am a real bastard when i get involved with things I believe in - but that's how it is and for some time i hope to stay below the radar...to do some healing - am looking for a home close to my youngest near Point Cook. Sanctuary Lakes and Werribee/Hooeprs crossing but as yet don't know which way is up down there..
7 comments:
This is going to be really hard for you, but you know that. It won't be easy at all, you have the wonderful memories to sustain you a bit and that will help. I hope you will lean on those you truly care about you. I am one of them.
Do you have my phone number? I will email you. I want your new address so I can send you a Chrissy card anyway.
I love the stories of your Christmases, you had so much fun I always wished I could have been there too.
It will be so hard (I'm only starting to realise the impact of moving) don't really know what to say, I know only too well the memories are in a home. You won't lose those, you will always have them no matter where you are. Good luck and thinking of you:-)
Take all the time you need to cry. When you are ready you will find a cause in Melbourne that needs your passion. You will be a blessing then as you always have been.
Thanks - re the address Foxy for now the PO Box 248 Port Macquarie will get there as its on my book so will need to keep it for a while yet - will just get it forwarded till I know where I am going to be
Time for personal healing sounds like a good idea Therese. I guess just putting one foot in front of the other and one moment at a time is all I can advise.
Looking forward to seeing you sometime, when you are ready, we are only in the Werribee area :)
Yes, maybe it's time now for you to grieve, hon. You've fought the good fight with tremendous gusto and spirit, and thrown so much energy into achieving what little justice you could for your much loved husband, I am sure he would be so proud of what you'vew achieved. But, by this, the mourning process may well have been delayed for you. I am so sorry his loss is such a gaping wound - moving is bound to stir up all kinds of emotions and memories right now. I guess all you must do is be patient with yourself, go with it and accept it's entirely natural to be feeling this way. Saying goodbye is always a heart-break, but it's also necessary if you are to say hello to a new, exciting future - which you will. In time. Good luck, dear Therese, there is so much now to look forward to, a whole new life ahead (smile).. take your time, allow yourself this sadness, it's okay to cry, out of anyone, you've earned right to deal with this sorrow. (Hugs)
Hope your move has gone well and that you are beginning to see the light forward.
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