Friday, December 01, 2006


1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup ofboiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almostinstantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by gettingsomeone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat bysimply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed fora few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember touse a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent youfrom rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snoozebutton.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then youwill be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you willforget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life reallyare: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't moveand should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the ducttape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you neverknow when you might need them to empty your bedpan.


Anonymous said...

MC, these are hilarious. For a split second I thought it was legitimate. Thank God it wasn't! ;)

Anonymous said...

yes, funny stuff, mc :o))))

mirk said...

I'll need to try a good few of these thanks for the help. ;0)

Anonymous said...

Rule #8 absolutely,...well...RULES!
..I'm reminded of rule 13..which states,..
"There is no problem too great that a suitable amount of high explosives can't resolve"..funny stuff MC :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks, I needed that.

Cazzie!!! said...

PMSL!! That is hillarious...I love them all, thanks for the laugh :)
I once commented a friends' 4WD was very creaky..made lots of noise as we were driving, the remedy to this was..turn the music up louder :)